Almost all over the world, the sight of a policeman actually walking has all but disappeared from the streets. Here in the UK, only absolute rookies walk around - in pairs, and in daylight - and the rest of them drive their fat arses about in squad cars, pretending to be important by deafening us with over-loud, American-style sirens.
We have known for years that the police are not the brightest people on earth (see Sherlock Holmes), but now it has become painfully obvious that they are physically unfit for their jobs, as well as being fucking stupid. The amount of times that they are supplied with reams of incriminating evidence and fail to see it as such defies belief, or - worse - undermines faith when they fail to act upon it.
Well, I have a simple and effective, old-fashioned answer.
Take the fat bastards out of the cars and put them back on the street; give the paperwork that keeps them at the station to civilians, and - above all - give them a WHISTLE like they used to have in the old days.
Back in the late sixties, my fat and useless, 6.5" tall, 18 stone brother was a copper. He could not run to save his life, but - when being outrun by a suspect - he told me that, more often than not, a single blast of a police issue whistle froze them in their tracks until he sauntered up and handcuffed them.
Most "coppers" I have seen could quite easily catch me..... mind you I wouldn't be running too fast!
ReplyDeleteThey don't need to run - you're caught on camera...
ReplyDeletenot as fun as getting caught in person
ReplyDeleteThat was a strippergram, John. Almost as violent as the real thing, but not so expensive.
DeleteDonut, anyone?
ReplyDeleteNot me - I have just been told by a 'guess your life' machine that I have 5 years to live. Oh, go on then...
DeleteAnd American Cops all look like members of an 'Obese Uniform Lovers' club.
ReplyDeleteBut they have guns with real bullets...
DeleteThat's right - they don't have to run. More of our lot are using Tasers these days - some of them just take them out and wave them around to frighten people.
DeleteYou suggestions make entirely too much sense and you know we must not have that!
ReplyDeleteSorry. If you thought this post was a rant, you should read the next one.
DeleteI have a whistle just like that. Hanging on an official cord and everything. Keep it by the phone and blast those unsolicited phone callers into oblivion.
ReplyDeleteGood on you.
DeleteThinking back forty years or so, I seem to remember the 'fuzz' or 'bluebottles' as they were known in Brum, had straight little whistles (2" jobs), with no pea!
ReplyDeleteGo on - make a joke out of that - but I'm serious. :)