Give a little whistle

A report has just come out in the UK, recommending that all police men and women should undergo a regular fitness test, just to make sure that - God forbid - they might stand a chance of catching up with any suspected felon, if they are forced to run after them on foot.

Almost all over the world, the sight of a policeman actually walking has all but disappeared from the streets. Here in the UK, only absolute rookies walk around - in pairs, and in daylight - and the rest of them drive their fat arses about in squad cars, pretending to be important by deafening us with over-loud, American-style sirens.

We have known for years that the police are not the brightest people on earth (see Sherlock Holmes), but now it has become painfully obvious that they are physically unfit for their jobs, as well as being fucking stupid. The amount of times that they are supplied with reams of incriminating evidence and fail to see it as such defies belief, or - worse - undermines faith when they fail to act upon it.

Well, I have a simple and effective, old-fashioned answer.

Take the fat bastards out of the cars and put them back on the street; give the paperwork that keeps them at the station to civilians, and - above all - give them a WHISTLE like they used to have in the old days.

Back in the late sixties, my fat and useless, 6.5" tall, 18 stone brother was a copper. He could not run to save his life, but - when being outrun by a suspect - he told me that, more often than not, a single blast of a police issue whistle froze them in their tracks until he sauntered up and handcuffed them.

SIMPLE.