'Tis the season for flying around in hot air balloons, and here in England, the weather conditions are most stable or predictable either around 6.00 p.m. or 6.00 a.m. so that is when most of them take off.I used to do a lot of balloon retrieval (which involves racing around the countryside in a Range-Rover with huge trailer, trying to keep up) so I sort of know about these things. 'What', I hear you groan, 'hasn't the old bastard done?' Well, I haven't tried incest and Morris Dancing yet, but I'll keep you informed if I do. Actually, I've just realised that the first person I shagged was my (female) cousin at an extremely early age - but that is a subject for a different post or, preferably, none at all.
I am not likely to try Morris Dancing though, for reasons that you have probably already had a good guess at. For one thing, it is a late, 19th century invention, and the inventor pretended to be reintroducing an ancient ritual brought over during the Crusades called 'Moorish Dancing'. Bollocks.
Then there is the stupid costume and the waiving of red neckerchiefs whilst wearing white tights with bells around your ankles. Perrleeezz! The music is no better either, but I did have great fun watching an inept troupe hit each other over the head with heavy staffs during one drunken dance outside a pub a few years ago.
The Bath Morris Dancers actually have one black male member which - for some reason - makes me cringe even more than normal as I take a wide berth around the Abbey, trying to avoid them. I haven't seen them for a couple of years - maybe they've all been killed off, one by one? I hope so.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, hot-air balloons. Goodness, is that the time? I've got to go.
now I always thought you had a "look" of someone who would love to down a beer and bash another bloke on the head with a stick whist dancing gaily around a pub car park....
ReplyDeleteWent for a balloon ride, and although the wind was not blowing very much and we did not get far, it was marvelous.
ReplyDeleteNow for the Morris Dancing. Have no idea what this is, but you might be able to get some of your aggression out (in case H.I. gets another ticket) by hitting someone over the head.
I rather like Morris Dancing. In 500 years time it will have become an ancient bucolic tradition; and highly respected.
ReplyDeleteNot overly surprised by the incest, Tom but I am surprised that you aren't a Morris Dancer as they do seem to spend most of their time loitering around old English pubs hitting things.
ReplyDeleteI knew John would be the first to comment as soon as 'black male member' was mentioned...
I don't dance 'gaily', John. I don't dance at all - nor do I hit anything other than the odd lump of stone. What is this about me being violent toward anything other than inanimate objects? No wonder I scare people. Let's hope I scare the right people.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Chris, John mentions 'long standing members' in his last post from the land of our father's. (When are we going to grow up? I'm ashamed of myself).
ReplyDeleteyou only see smut if you are indeed smutty
ReplyDeleteYeah - never a truer word spoken. Having said that, you and Weaver don't half provide the opportunity for seeing it. Somehow I just cannot believe it is anything less than sub-conscious. (There's contentious!)
ReplyDeleteP.S. Did you hear today's R4 program on Lincolns Inn Fields and the Old Bailey, circa 1720-50? Very interesting, very tragic and sometimes very funny.
ReplyDeleteNo I didt but I did hear chris Moyles taking the piss out of John Barrowman on radio 1 ( when I was taking chris to the station at bloody 6.45)
ReplyDeleteI pissed myself
Hey-nonny-no
ReplyDeleteJingle, jingle.... thwack!
ReplyDelete