Now it's not often that I slag someone off behind their back, but I know John is at work tonight, so he won't be able to defend himself until everyone in the North Eastern Hemisphere has gone to bed, so I feel safe. Let's hope I don't find myself in intensive care in his part of Wales, but since I never choose to visit on a matter of principal, the chances of me having a head-on collision in his jurisdiction are virtually nil, and I am hoping to get up early enough to erase this post before he has a chance to read it.What have I got against him? Well, he seems to be surrounded by sycophants for a start - have you seen how many people respond to one of his posts announcing the arrival of a sick chicken at his hoarding-centre up there in sheep-shagger country? I sit here day after day, making profound comments about Life, the Universe and Everything, and attract about 5 comments from mad old women in Canada and the USA - half of whom are retired/failed interior designers, and the other half that seem to spend their retirements knitting cup-cakes for fictitious Grand-Children and deliberately mowing down pedestrians in their 4 Litre Jeeps - and HE just has to mention one of his fucking dogs shitting on the carpet to get about 50 ecstatic comments telling him what a wonderful, caring person he is, and how only God understands how he must keep it all together in such an efficient and caring way!
Well, let me tell you something. Last night, he sent me a personal email which simply said - "You are a c***".
What do you think about that then, Guys and Gals?
(Right, I'm off to bed before the dog-shit hits the fan...)
I would comment more, however your posts seem strictly for the UK. But you are very clever in your writing.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot about the Australian contingent who comment, Tom!
ReplyDeleteMAD, OLD, FAILED INTERIOR DESIGNER(S), from Canada.! Should I be offended Tom?
ReplyDeleteI read all your posts. I don;t always comment, often because I am pondering what you said, whereas, when John's dog farts, I can write a quick comment without much effort.
But Johns posts are so interesting Tom.... not boring at all .... they appeal to us mad old Canadian women (especially those of us with cross hairs painted on our windshields).
ReplyDeleteI don't know why you think my posts are strictly for the UK, Grouch - maybe I am very careful to avoid Americanisms, but I think that Life, the Universe and Everything can be appreciated by everyone - just so long as they have a basic grasp of the English language. Anyway, why are you being so nice these days? is it because they are giving you extra rations of oxygen to treat your belligerence?
ReplyDeleteI was trying to forget about the Australian contingent, Bris - then you resurfaced and reminded me.
You don't count, Raz - About 30% of Canadians are made up of ex-pat Brits like you, but I'll try to fart online more, just to keep you happy.
You ought to go on Safari in a Fiat Uno with cross-hairs on your windshield, MBJ, and go head to head with a rhino - pick on someone your own size and see how you get on!
ReplyDeleteYou're always good for a laugh Tom...I guess that's why I keep coming back.
ReplyDeleteI just sitting back and waiting for the all the medical experts to chime in. Can you hear me laughing across the pond?
ReplyDeleteYou're BAD!!!...................................................(ha!)
ReplyDeleteHey! I resemble that remark! What about us mad old women in New Zealand?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Donna - you're very bad. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDelete.....I have just got home after a particulary difficult shift.....and this dreadful post remains in situ!
ReplyDeleteI would leave you a further comment ( in addition to my blog reply) but I have too much dog shit to scrape up
Oh dear - I overslept and didn't wipe the post off in time and now he's seen it. I might as well leave it up now. I'll go over to his latest post in a minute and see what underhand tactics he's using to boost his ratings.
ReplyDeleteSorry Judith, but you know how us Brits always lump Kiwis in with the rest of the Antipodeans. I always assume that you are Australian until I hear you order "F'sh and Ch'ps" in a restaurant. Similarly, I can only tell the difference between Canadians and Americans when I hear them say the word 'Out' as "Oat".
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ReplyDeleteThanks Gail, and feel free to spew out over us any time you want to.
ReplyDelete(Everyone seems to be taking me a little too seriously - this is not good for the stereotyping of nationalities, but thank God no Germans have commented yet, eh?)
LOL.......I got nothing......just LOL
ReplyDeleteMy goodness, Kelly - what a lot of sheep you have!
ReplyDeleteSorry, Dude, but unless you have a farting and snoring bulldog, you just can't play in the big league!
ReplyDeleteHmpf! I'm neither mad, old, from Canada or the USA, and I don't know the first thing about knitting. But I did just buy a pillbox, commemorating the upoming royal wedding, which I will put on my window sill. That could make me a failed interior designer! Oh my God! I better check to see if I have developed any knitting skills.
And for the record: A German now has commented!
(I'm a little late in commenting, but I've been gone for a few days.)