Monday, 17 January 2011

Ye 2nd Fludde

Following on from the last post about the timekeepers, here is another joke which I like very much (apologies to any damp Australians reading this - no disrespect intended) :

A man - who happens to be called 'Noah' - falls asleep in his little terraced house one night, and has a strong and disturbing dream. In his dream, God speaks to him and says:

"Noah! Tomorrow the second Great Flood will come, but prepare ye not, for I will save you from the waters!"

When Noah awakes, he goes to the window and draws the curtains. It is absolutely tipping down with rain, and the streets are beginning to become awash with water, but Noah simply goes downstairs and makes himself breakfast, because he - of all people - had been promised by God that he would be saved.

After breakfast, he decided to go for a walk, and when he got outside, the water was about 2 feet deep, and he waded up the street for a walk. A small dinghy rowed up and the people in it told him to climb aboard, because it was going to get worse. Noah said,

"Don't worry about me - I have an arrangement with God!"

The little boat rowed away, and the waters rose further. When they were up to his chest, a police launch appeared and the copper on board said,

"Catch this line!"

Noah responded by saying, "No thanks! I have an arrangement with God!"

They drove the boat away, thinking that he was a lost cause. Then the water rose to his neck, and Noah started to become a little nervous. At that point, a Coast Guard helicopter hovered overhead, and the pilot shouted through a loudspeaker,


Noah shouted back at them,

"I'M ALRIGHT, THANKS - I HAVE AN ARRANGEMENT WITH GOD!" So the helicopter - being too busy to argue - flew away.

Then the water rose further, covering Noah, and soon he drowned.

As he was being processed by St, Peter in Heaven, Noah was furious, and demanded to see God immediately. He was let into God's office, and shouted,

"What happened? I thought you were going to save me?!" God replied,

"I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more do you want?"


  1. This is brilliant...God is in the details!

  2. just posted a pic out of living room
    I wonder if you could value my art deco denbigh dogs on the mantle!?

  3. I don't know much about Deco, but Christie's is about to sell a load in London soon - check out their online catalogue. (Are they DENBY? I fucking hate Denby crockery...) I do like your classical column candlesticks and the grandfather clock though. The prints look interesting too, but I cannot blow them up big enough to tell! You're cruising for a burglary!

  4. Good laugh Tom...just told it to Brilliant Husband...he cracked a smile...

  5. I will pass this one along to my brother Down Under. Perfect. Ann

  6. I'll chime in with John.....can you price out a arts and craft era RD vase? (Free, of course)

    oh,...cute story.

  7. prints?
    they are ALL original watercolours my man!

  8. The spelling of 'Fludde' is much more menacing than 'Flood'.

  9. I don't do Arts and Craft, Groucho, but if you've got any pre 1800 drinking glasses, I'll take them off your hands.

    Oops, sorry John. Like I say, I can't see them proper, like.

    But the spelling of 'Noye' isn't Cro. I think it was a miracle play?

  10. I agree with Cro. Fludde. Whoa!

    The media here has managed to tone down the carnage with the word 'inundated'. Guess they can't put 'flood' and 'flooded' in the same sentence.

    It's quite odd living in West Aust right now. It is so dry here. All the dams are drying up and then the daily theme on TV is a kind of disaster p*rn of water/sewerage/mud/worms (broken by insurance company ads spruiking home and contents).

    All we can do in the west to help is donate cash coz they are gonna need it - and spare a thought for Brazilians.

  11. They can start using 'fludde' as a bit of a spice up in future?