Wednesday, 6 October 2010


I lived with a girl who had been in the Israeli Army once (not the one in this photo, though she looked a bit like her!), but that is not unusual, if you date Israeli girls. My girl was a gifted artist, who was Jewish and Yemeni at the same time (also not unusual), though her father was Yiddisher Polish, and called me her 'Goy Boy'.

She told me that her best memories from her National Service was being given a little Uzi sub-machine gun, and being allowed to fire at will. You don't fire too long with those things - they let off about 3 rounds per second. "It was such fun!" she said. I bet it was.

She ended up disillusioned with me and - having dropped her off in Trafalgar Square on her way to the East End, I drove home to find her waiting for me in my house near Bath, having climbed in through an upstairs window. She must have got out of my car, and straight onto a train.

I said that I would have driven her back, if I had known she was coming, and she said that she had only returned to beat me up. I said I needed a cup of tea, and she said she would commence the beating after I had finished the tea. I made the tea.

I knew that she had also spent about 2 years in Japan, studying Karate, so I was a little nervous. I finished my tea, then she began.

She was fucking useless, beating me around the face and head with her hands, until she ran out of breath. I was relieved that she was so ridiculously bad at hitting people, so I relaxed a bit. That's when she started hitting me harder around the head, so I side-stepped her because it was becoming a little painful. That was also when she took a mighty swipe at my chest from behind, breaking three ribs.

I fell to my knees, and she took a step forward, moving in for the kill. I warned her - in shallow breaths - that if she came within arm's reach of me, I would hospitalise her with one blow, though I added that I really did not want to do this, but would have no choice as I was injured.

She believed me, and sat down, away from me. I regained my breath, then got to my feet, in extreme pain as I breathed. I asked her if she would attack again, and she promised me not. Good job, as I would have hurt her badly if she had.

She spent the night, having missed the last train to London, and I took her to the station the next day. I saw her once more, then never again.

I wonder how she is getting on now. She was such a talented choreographer, and her dance was THE best one I have ever seen. Hope you are well, Michal...


  1. Ah, Tom Stephenson, now I have to worry about you!

  2. Why do you wonder how she's getting on, Tom? She sounds like a total sadist!

  3. Hello Share! Don't worry about me, I'm good at defence.

    No, not a sadist, Moll. If she were, then she would have been better at it. She was just insecure, like most of us.

  4. Wow, flip that to a man beating on a woman and we'd all be stunned and demanding charges be pressed.

  5. Women beating up men is very common, Raz, but largely goes unreported for reasons of pride. I helped to rescue a very large, male friend from his small wife once, who made his life a misery by physical and mental torture. He (he is a successful author of many books) was too sweet to do anything about it for himself, but I would not tolerate it, any more than I would expect a woman to tolerate it from a man. People are built different ways, regardless of stature.

  6. This is you at your weirdest Tom.

  7. Hmmm. I think you did the right thing. I wouldn't like to hit a woman either, unless it was ABSOLUTELY necessary. And even then...

  8. Why weird, J? Do you think I attract this sort of behaviour deliberately? I've just had a rich and fulfilling life (so far), that's all.

  9. Sorry Tom...that was meant to be a question (bad typing on my part).

    I have only two relationship hitting, no cheating.
    I guess I just can't imagine violence being part of a rich and fulfilling life.

    Any luck finding the hat yet?

  10. No luck with the hat. I sincerely believe I have checked out most of the British Hatters, and a lot of the American ones. I think my only hope is a vintage clothing luckey strike, or bespoke (at about £200...) I cannot believe that this hat is not out there somewhere - it was about a year ago, and had been for about 100 years!!!