Friday, 12 February 2010

Easy Come

So my old, long-lost and re-found friend, Cro Magnon, has said goodbye to us from Perigord, and was last seen walking away through a winter landscape, carrying an umbrella and wearing the same beret that has been perched on the top of his bonce since I first met him in 1969.

Maybe, now that the motorised brat who is the son of his neighbor has left, he has nothing to moan about, but there is no limit to his ventable spleen with regards to the Church, as far as I can make out, and having introduced us to his friend's pretty, vegetarian, chain-saw wielding daughter, he is now going to leave us in the lurch as to how she develops over the years. I'll just have to employ my fevered imagination in order to fill in the gaps, like I have done with every other chain-saw wielding filly in the past. Like Cro, I can't wait for the weather to turn warmer, but for different reasons.

But in reality, his dramatic exit is not so final, because he has been trying to juggle two separate existences simultaneously in cyberspace, and has evidently been finding it difficult, so he is still with us in the more cosmopolitan form of Magnon's Meanderings, and I reckon we have at least 20 more years of Bishop - Bashing to look forward to.

Actually, I have more reason to look forward to the spring time than just the removal of hot and sweaty, Kevlar trousers. This February - for me - has been one of the most enervating, not least because I have had two head-colds running concurrently since before Christmas, and the global financial crisis has coincided with a personal one for me, caused by a reluctance to stand about in sub-zero temperatures with two head-colds. I have just sold one of my best, 18th century glasses so that I don't have to chop up the furniture to put on the fire.

I am also acutely anxious, because this evening I am going to win the roll-over for the Euro Millions Lottery - currently worth over 100,000,000 quid - and although I will be forced to split the proceeds with the other 6 members of my syndicate, I will still be left with quite a substantial sum. Unfortunately, my bank has just been taken over by Santander, the Spanish finance group, and Spain is just about to suffer the same fiscal problems as Greece currently is. If Greece goes down the toilet, then so will Spain. I can easily foresee a situation where Spain collapses just as I have deposited my winnings into my little account, and the Spanish government steps in to take the bloody lot - the thieving sods! Isn't that just my luck! It makes my blood boil!!! All my life I have worked hard, and now - just as I approach the winter of my brief existence here on earth - the bloody Spanish Government sneaks in through the back door and helps itself to what is rightly mine, won fair and square. There is a slim chance that we will not win, and this situation will never arise, but you can imagine why I am so worried.

I'll let you know the outcome tomorrow. I know you're not normally a praying man, Cro, but this is really important to me, so just this once?


  1. I used to live beside someone who won the lottery. She added turrets to her house, bought caravans for other family members, evicted them to said caravans, and landscaped the moors. I don't have the Lottery Winners' Manual but I imagine this is what one does and it should keep you going for a while till Spain steps in.

  2. Consider it done, Tom. I may have got the words muddled, but I think I've organised a 50% chance of your winning. It's the best I can do.... As for Spain, I'm nearer than you, so just give me the names and I'll send in the boys.

    Thank you for your kind words.

  3. Oh no, Mise, this win will not change my life - MUCH. I will certainly not put my relatives in caravans, they have perfectly good ones as it is.

    Thanks for the enhancement of my chances, Cro, but I am legally advised that I cannot agree to the implementation of any influence you may have over your borders, so suffice it to say that I will buy you a drink when I next see you (without prejudice).

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