Saturday 18 June 2022

Keep your six-pack, I'll have your teeth


I have clocked up a few posts, followers and likes on Instagram now and I am beginning to get the hang of it. Whether or not it will do me any good remains to be seen.

The place seems to be equally divided between girls in bikinis lying on beaches with cocktails in their hands, and boring, work-related pitches like mine. I have never watch a second of 'Love Island', but I am starting to understand how the culture came about. Somehow I have begun following a local girl who seems to be followed by all my friends and family, and her posts consist of hundreds of selfies that show off her admittedly hot (insert flame emoji here) and tanned body, which is a bit distracting - especially when H.I. is looking over my shoulder. It would seem like a slight to unfollow her, so I will just have to put up with it.

I don't understand it, but I am also being followed by a local actor/model/all-round silver fox of a hunk who would make John cream his pants. He bears a striking resemblance to George Clooney and seems to spend most of his time in the gym, honing his enviably hench, 50-something year-old body. Like Clooney, he has perfect teeth too, which is what I envy most about him. You can keep your six-pack, I'll settle for your teeth.

I have never understood businesses such as removal firms, plumbers, accountants and the like who put 'Follow us on Facebook!' at the bottom of their adverts and livery. I mean, who the hell would want to follow them? Everyone ticks the box which says, 'click here if you do not wish to receive future promotions and offers', so I cannot imagine willingly subscribing to their social media pages if you have the choice not to.

Talking of having choice, something I have been praying for for years may be about to happen. They are about to change the rules governing the use of ubiquitous cookies so that you have to opt-in rather than opt-out.

You cannot avoid badly targeted adverts from Instagram on your phone (they know my age...), but whenever I have cleared the cache of cookies on my computer, nothing ever works properly again until you have sheepishly accepted dozens more on their websites. This can be inconvenient when it comes to sites like You Tube, when your search history just disappears and you have to begin all over again.

Hopefully, being forced to accept their terms and conditions before you view anything will soon be a thing of the past, but I am not holding out too much hope. They stand to lose millions in advertising revenue.

15 comments:

  1. I always thought a Cookie was an American biscuit -no wonder funny things happen sometimes when I say I accept their cookies and none arrive for my afternoon cuppa.

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  2. I am glad to hear that you are now getting to grips with Instagram.

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  3. If you unfollow someone...they will never know..so don't worry!

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    1. They will only never know if they don't care.

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  4. It sounds like you are having fun with Instagram. It can't be all bad if you've found a lovely bikini clad hottie that likes to strut her stuff. You definitely do not want to disappoint her and unfriend her. No! No! No!

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  5. I couldn't find you last time. I'll go look again. You may the the fellow with no picture!

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    1. I have a small picture. You need to put 'thereal' in front of my name.

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  6. I've been followed by lots of men ..... they would be very disappointed if they saw me in real life !!! I've also had ' famous people asking to message me ..... I'm pretty sure they are imposters ! This social media thing is full of lies, smoke and mirrors ...... I think, out of all of them, blogging is the nicest platform. XXXX

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    1. I haven't yet resorted to the app that makes you look more beautiful. I mean makes me look more beautiful, of course, not you. Nothing could make you look more beautiful. Oh no, I didn't mean that. I'll shut up now.

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  7. I would like gym-dude's teeth and a bit of his six-pack, if I'm honest. Glad you're getting the hang of Instagram.

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    1. His teeth and 6 pack would look very odd on me.

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