It snowed in the night and now the distant hills look like a Breughel painting, with people tobogganing and enjoying themselves. It is thawing already.
Right at the beginning of the first lockdown, a friend of mine began to worry her husband by talking strangely and getting up in the middle of the night for no reason. Her daughter came over to try to help and eventually medical help arrived in the form of a couple of nurses. They diagnosed her as going through a 'manic' episode, exacerbated by Covid and the upcoming anniversary of the death of her son, whose body she discovered after he had not answered his phone for a couple of days.
She called me a few times over the next couple of months, and it was clear that the mild tranquillisers were not really doing much good, although - in her own words - they slowed her down a little. Her mind was racing between one unfeasible project and another, and although they made sense to her, they didn't to anyone else.
Her husband set up a round-robin text messaging service to keep us all up to date with her progress, but yesterday he sent a message saying that she has been admitted to a hospital, which had been the last resort. Because of the Covid-related shortage of beds in the area, she has been taken to a private clinic miles away in Kent.
Even worse, the clinic's rules ban flowers and the government's rules ban visitors. Even worse than that, the clinic is in an area with no mobile phone coverage at all. She is now truly isolated from her friends and family who are over a hundred miles away, and nobody knows for how long, least of all her. She doesn't even understand why she is there at all.
For the life of me I cannot see how this is going to help her, but I can see how it is going to make her worse.
Up until the death of her son, I sometimes used to envy this close family. They had their share of the sort of problems we all have, but they had no money worries and seemed to lead the sort of life that many people strive toward. Husband is retired on a generous pension and she herself was semi-retired as - ironically - a very high-ranking nurse in the mental healthcare system. She had written highly respected text books on her subject which are still referred to by professionals in healthcare today.
This is just one story amongst millions of others, but of all the reminders I have had about not negatively comparing your life to others' over the last year, this has been the starkest.
We need to be reminded of things like this John. Very sad.
ReplyDeleteYes indeed Weave. (This is Tom, by the way.)
DeleteThat's a terrible situation for her and for her family. Hopefully someone will try different medication than the one she is on. That can sometimes be part of the problem. And yes, we have a lot to be thankful for. -Jenn
ReplyDeleteIt is a shame that chemicals are often the only remedy tried. I hope she gets some good personal therapy too.
DeleteOh yes, that as well. Sorry, I'm just a bit jaded when it comes to proper medication and bad side effects. As someone who has personally benefitted from therapy, I know how powerful it can be.
DeleteIt's not always easy to remember that however fed up we are there are plenty of people having a much worse time of things. A tragic story and a reminder that we should always count our blessings.
ReplyDeleteTrue.
DeletePoor woman. Poor family. I hope she gets the help she needs.
ReplyDeleteHow sad...and disorienting (SP?) for her. Isn't there a story or saying along the lines of 'if a group of people in a room were asked to put all their troubles in a sack and place them in the centre of the room, then leave and return and be asked to pick up a sack, that they would pray they picked up their own again'?
ReplyDeleteThat's a good story.
DeleteCorrecting an imbalance with chemicals is often the only way; even after months of alternative therapies it was always the chemicals that gave the best results in my experience with P. Mental illness is very sad and renders everybody concerned entering a bad place.
ReplyDeleteThat is good, but chemical coshes through laziness are not good.
DeleteHe and his wife were the most 'in love' people I ever knew. But he dreaded the coming of winter. In the summer, he was busy with his job at the brick factory, his garden, canning, outside activities. In the winter, he sat with his wife, and they read together. It was then that his mind began to wander back to other times and other places and in his words, he was afraid that he'd wander off mentally and not be able to find his way back." It sounds like what happened to this poor woman.
ReplyDeleteNot sure why I lost the beginning of this comment. I am sorry. I was speaking of my grandfather. He's been gone 35 years now, but I remember how he worried about his mind in winter.
ReplyDeleteI know someone with S.A.D. Most of us are not that affected.
DeleteA sad story, made all the worse by the restrictions of travel and the virus. Worry upon worry for the family. The good thing is the family are keeping in touch with friends and support.
ReplyDeleteThe current restrictions make that difficult, as you say.
DeleteThat story shook me.
ReplyDeleteIt's a bad one.
DeleteHow sad .... the terrible things that many people are going through really show us how lucky we are. We all have stuff to deal with but nothing like some are going through. I hope they can find a way through for your friend. XXXX
ReplyDeleteSo do I.
DeleteMental health seems to be an area where progress is complicated. The right combination of treatments seems so difficult to find some times. I hope this woman gets the help she needs to recover.
ReplyDeleteThey don't know much about the brain, or the soul.
DeleteIt would be interesting to know is she has been checked for a brain tumor.
ReplyDeleteHopefully all possibilities have been pursued. Sad story.
Nobody thinks it is a tumour.
DeleteWretched. Sad. I am so sorry for all of them, especially with the Covid complication.
ReplyDeleteEverything has become 10 times more difficult.
DeleteThe family will have to establish high expectations for her care.
ReplyDeleteA treatment plan and progress reports will be important to track progress. No visitors due to Covid make this situation harder. A mental health problem only gets worse when isolation is mandated.
Well, she herself is in the business, as I mentioned. It will be difficult to keep an eye out for what is going on for obvious reasons.
DeleteNow that is so, so sad Tom!
ReplyDeleteNo people you love or like around you, no flowers, nothing - I cannot see how that is helping either. Heartbreaking and frightening.
I wish her and her family - poor husband! - that she will recover soon. I think that is the visible tip of the iceberg what Covid does to people - what about the children, the old and lonely?
And yes: no good in comparing oneself with others.
And another old chestnut: Enjoy the moment.
Our moments are not very enjoyable right now, but sometimes comparisons like this put ours into perspective.
DeleteThat sounds like hell for them, Tom. As you say it must be making it worse for her.
ReplyDeleteSo much worse.
DeleteOh, this just made my heart sink. My sister is having a similar mental and physical meltdown, and I am at their home trying to help them. She is so unwell, and her husband and I are at our wit's end as to what to do. We've been to doctors of course, who feel that we can manage this at home with time and meds. We feel outgunned by these illnesses, and are hoping to get her hospitalized today. It has been hell for us, and we know it's been hell for her, yet, we feel as if we don't get more help, she may sicken and die. We are well and truly between a rock and a hard place. I can feel your friend's pain so very well. As for my sister, we only want to help her, and pray that this can because we are out of options at home. Maybe that's where your friends were, too.
ReplyDeleteYes, her husband was on his own with her, and obviously could not do anymore to make things better. I hope your sister and my friend have a good outcome from all of this.
DeleteA heart breaking story Tom. I don't know what else to say.
ReplyDelete