Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Wednesday, 21 March 2018
Take a deep breath
They spent about three years staring at the Kohinoor Diamond before deciding the best way to split it with a hammer and chisel. Three years of preparation and one second of work? I don't think so.
I think it took three years for the diamond-cutter to pluck up the courage to do the job. I wonder how much he got paid for that one second?
In a very small way, some of my work involves almost as much time thinking (and worrying) about as it does to complete. You decide on what you think to be the best plan, then you carry it out, but I usually do not have the luxury of more than a few days to make a plan.
Although the monetary value of an item is always in the back of your mind - I regularly work on things which are worth more than I am likely to make for the rest of my life - it is, after all, only money.
I briefly consider the consequences of an accident which involves destroying an object which has been valued at six figures, then I ask myself what is the worst that could happen to me. The answer is always 'bankruptcy, followed by an enforced retirement in dire poverty'. I can cope with that.
The irony is that I am insured against maiming or killing someone in an accident at work for a maximum of £6,000,000.
This would be most acceptable to the families of all the people who regularly help me install items so heavy that they would most likely kill anyone they landed on, but it would be an insult to the clients and their family to have their lives held so cheap.
Next month I am being charged with repairing a classical figure which is threatening to break at the knees and come crashing down from a high alcove. I intend to use both belt and braces.