Lost - one brunette merkin

Arctic weather with a storm on the way which will produce blizzards and deep drifts. Britain always comes to a standstill, but it would be pointless to spend loads of money for an event which only happens once every ten years, and only lasts for a few days.

I wondered where all the gulls were, then I noticed them sullenly floating about in the river. I thought they must be mad, then I realised that if you dangle your little legs in water, you don't suffer wind-chill on top. They know what they are doing.

I bought a pair of those rubber things with studs in them which you put over your shoes to prevent slipping on hard-pack snow. I may have to use them.

I feel like an old man for even considering them, but I my sense of balance has really deteriorated and I cannot afford to break a leg or something.

The gallery you can see in the picture is currently running a show entitled, 'Entertainment in Bath.' It features all sorts of things, including some very large Gainsborough paintings.

My favourite exhibit is a little sheet of paper on which is written 'Lost. A Merkin, presumably when dancing.' In case you didn't know, 'merkins' were wigs worn by ladies over their real pubic hair - for some reason! It goes on to offer a reward to the finder, and the address in Bath where it should be returned. It was printed in the mid 18th century.

In fact, it is a flyer offering the services of a prostitute, even stating how much the fee in the guise of the reward for the lost merkin.