Sunday 18 March 2018

I strive for mediocrity


The view from the compact but adorable city apartment this morning.

We in the South West are going through a repeat experience of the weather from a week or two ago. This afternoon, there is a freezing strong wind on its way. A friend of mine was supposed to catch a plane to Argentina (via Madrid) this morning. I think she will have missed it. 

I was talking to an airline pilot last night, and he explained that the usual reason for flight cancellations in this weather is that they cannot de-ice the planes properly. The runways can be sprayed with uric acid (presumably from a bowser rather than the entire airport going out and pissing on the runways), but a clear runway is no use to a plane landing at high speed with its flaps stuck up in the cruise position.

I spoke to the pilot in the pub. He asked if I was out all night, or if I was just having a beer or two before going home. I told him that I had a system of discipline to control my drinking which involves being at home with slippers on in time to listen to The Archers at 7.03 pm. Yesterday was a Saturday, and Saturdays are the one day in the week when there is no Archers, so I deploy a super-human power of will to be out of the pub by 6.30. If you are the type of person to combine drinking with hard drugs, this system falls apart immediately and you often find yourself going home at 7.00 - in the morning.

After dinner with wine, I have another system (which doesn't always work) to stop me drinking wine until I fall over and sleep on the kitchen floor - or worse - stay awake and begin communicating with sleeping friends who I have not seen for years.

The routine is as follows: H.I. will begin yawning, then eventually go upstairs to bed, leaving me with the wine. I find myself thinking about things in general, usually about work. If I realise that I am  drifting toward believing that I am either the best sculptor since Michelangelo or the worst since Damian Hirst, I use the same super-human power of will to turn out the lights and take myself to bed.

Like I say, it doesn't always work.

26 comments:

  1. This is so very complicated! But it's important to be 'a man with a plan'. (Wink, wink)

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    1. It is not as complicated as it would be if I didn't follow the plan. I know this from regularly repeated experience.

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  2. No, it doesn't always work for me either.

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  3. On 13th december 1995 an Antonov crashed here in verona - l remember the date well because I had a flight booked for Frankfurt the day after. The weather was very bad, snow and freezing cold. The aeroplane crashed because of ice formation on the wings.
    Greetings Maria x

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  4. If thatis the view from your compact but adorable apartment then perhaps you would like to know that I have a jigsaw of it, which suggests that someone with a camera has been in your flat!

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    1. I remember someone coming into the flat with a camera in 1560. That would explain it.

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  5. Frozen rivers everywhere. Even Niagara Falls froze last winder. Winter be gone.
    At Christmas our plane was deiced three times I can recall. And Laura sat across the aisle and read her phone. The innocence of youth.

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    1. Niagara Falls?! I have seen it thundering over the edge at minus 10C. Laura was probably watching a disaster movie on her phone involving plane crashes.

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  6. You are such a tart Tom! I am just back from the pub having swopped pearls of wisdom with wall to wall headmasters. De-icing the pints of real ale presents no such problems as planes, I’ve just discovered. Is it true what the papers are saying that it is us old duffers that are rapidly becoming the problem drinkers, I idly wonder?

    Not in my wildest dreams would I have you down for a soap opera fan Tom... The Archers has a sort of inverted snobbery element, that having kicked the habit thirty years ago seems to grate... don’t ask me why?

    LX

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    1. Yes, they are shifting the attention away from the 20 year-olds who smash the streets up at night and turning on we who cause no problems to anyone other than spouses and sleeping old friends. As I say, The Archers is merely part of a cunning self-protection technique. Honest.

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    2. P.S. In the absence of John, someone has got to take on the mantle of tarthood. They are big shoes to fill, mind.

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    3. You can more than manage to fill those shoes Tom. With a tad more waspish wit than the gentle John, you two could be a true double act. A veritable Hinge and Bracket of blogland.

      LX

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  7. Sir Tart? Now pick yourself up off the kitchen floor and go to bed.

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  8. Your bit 'the worst since Damien Hirst' has a nice ring to it. I was never a huge YBA fan, tbh.
    During my time at Selfridge's, I worked at party that Tracey Emin had thrown to celebrate a £27 teapot she'd 'designed'. It was rubbish.

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    1. I am proud to know someone who used to work for Selfridge. I hope you are also proud to know someone whose sculptures have just been cast in bronze by the same foundry that Damian Hirst uses.

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  9. Snow and more snow. Just had a message from a friend who is trapped on Exmoor. I don't feel sorry for her. I envy her. She is in a well stocked and cosy hotel. Bliss.

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  10. I miss having a good 'local', but the last time I did have one, I was there every night. So maybe it's a good thing (knowing the price of beer).

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    1. Paying the price of beer is much healthier in a pub than drinking at home alone. I do both so I can maintain some form of social life.

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  11. I wish I was trapped in a well-stocked and cosy hotel on Exmoor. It's so hard to find time to catch up on my reading and painting here in New Zealand. The area where I live is even called the "Bay of Plenty". Sigh. Life is so unfair.

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    1. I think you would go a bit stir-crazy if you were snowed-in for months as they are in Northern Canada. They have special community events to keep themselves sane during the Winter.

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