Thursday 19 October 2017

Friends

When I was much younger, I always had one male friend who I spent a lot of time with. There were many friends like this over the years.

I suppose you could say that I had a crush on them, but there was nothing sexual about it - I was always chasing after girls for different reasons.

Most of the time I would be blind to their faults in the same way as people in love can see no wrong in the object of their adulation. If the faults were so obvious - such as physically or verbally attacking people in public for no obvious reason or similar boorish behaviour - I would classify this as amusing idiosyncrasy.

Of course, there would always come the time when one of us would fall out with the other, and this was often a mutually arranged disagreement to terminate the relationship. Just like a marriage which has gone wrong, the little traits and habits which used to be almost endearing would become the source of deep and un-ignorable irritation.

I ran into one such old friend from the time when everyone - especially us - would sit around listening to Lou Reed records (on vinyl) the other week. He lives on his own because he is a sociopathic wife-beater - you know, those little endearing traits which I tended to ignore.

He was complaining about somebody, saying that he still had certain activities which he should not be doing at his age, and he actually said, "I quoted Lou Reed to him - 'You're still doing things I gave up years ago'..." He just couldn't see the irony.

Thinking about it, I suppose everyone - including women - had these sort of friendships. Usually, if they did not come to a natural end, they were put on hold by marriage and/or children and usually never taken up with the same intensity as before. "We really must get together for a night out soon..."

More often than not, one friend will just not get on with the other's chosen partner, and vice versa. This is quite often rooted in jealousy. I had one lost friend whose new wife actually said to him just after the marriage, "You don't need him any more. You've got me." Maybe he didn't read the Terms and Conditions small print.

Thinking about it even further, I have remembered quite a few female friends who I related to in just the same way. One in particular was a woman of about thirty who was on the same Foundation Course as I was when I was sixteen. I suppose she would have been considered a 'mature student' then, because everyone else was between sixteen and twenty.

Everyone hated her and she hated everyone. I liked her and eventually she came to like me. I suppose she couldn't be too picky under the circumstances, but we got on very well until she left, having decided that Art School was not for her.

I don't know what this post is about really. I am just thinking out loud until the new water heater arrives and I carry it upstairs...

25 comments:

  1. I lived with a girl for four years of university and we knew each other in high school as well. It ended a bit like a divorce and I've not seen her since, but we both moved away in different directions. Our friendship was what was needed at the time. There's really only one school friend that I am still close with. People drift apart. -Jenn

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    1. I am a bit ashamed that I - for some reason - formally told my school friends that I was leaving them behind when I went to art college. Understandably, they were very offended and all called round to my house to tell me what they thought of me, and I haven't seen them since. I tried to explain that it was the school which I hated that I was leaving behind, but they refused to understand. I don't blame them.

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  2. I had never had a best friend until I met Morris at art school. It is hard to explain because it would sound odd to explain it but it was like doing things together without having to explain to each other why we were doing them. I had lots of friends at school but never one best friend.

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  3. I guess one has to work at friendships .... I still see my friend who I was in the infants with and my friend thst I met in the first year of Senior School. At our age, good friendships are often based on longevity and history.
    Out of interest, would you consider us blogging mates to be friends ? XXXX

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    1. I have always thought that if you have to work hard at a relationship, then it does not work and should be forgotten about. Of course I consider you as friends.

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  4. My best friend for forty odd years moved away, with her husband, to a warmer climate. We both are making new "friends", and remarked the other day there probably will never be best new friends, and maybe no best friends, either; just friends. No one you could call up and say Get dressed, road trip. Too many grandchildren, doctor appointments, hair appointments between best and new and friend.

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    1. I think that friends when you are younger help you to grow up. They help you form opinions and they help you form future relationships. After a certain age they just become comfortable companions.

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  5. I have two friend that have been my best friends for over 40 years. I don't know what I would do without them. Jackie is right; we have to cultivate our friendship.
    Greetings Maria x

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    1. Some people find it hard to begin a strong friendship for fear of depending on it. People can be scared of the prospect of bereavement so try to remove the possibility of it.

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  6. When I was in 4th grade (age 9), I made a new best friend. Joe was placed across the aisle from me. On the first day of school I asked him if he had been held back. He wasn't in our class the year before, and he was so big that I assumed he was older. I was a shrimp, so really everyone was big. He was the first male friend I ever had and it was such a relief to not have to engage in the daily, petty backstabbing typical of pre-adolescent girls. Joe and I last saw each other at our high school reunion 10 years ago. I didn't go to the most recent reunion last month. If I'd known he was going to be there, I might have done.

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    1. I have never liked the idea of reunions. I try to stop myself from going back to the past, or at least my own past.

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    2. Now that Facebook allows me to take the pulse of how everyone is aging, there's no point in seeing them all in one room. But I'm sorry I missed the chance to tell Joe he was one of the nicest people I've ever known.

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  7. I find men make the best of friends. Not sure why I will have to think more about it. But I certainly have more men friends than women. And I mean friends nothing more. The only man who is more is the one I married.

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    1. I think the difference between sexes contributes to a friendship. It works both ways. Even children instinctively know this. There is always a little spark.

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  8. I think this is called Stream of Consciousness Tom - often brings out very productive thoughts eventually.

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    1. Your comments help too! All of a sudden I am not talking to myself.

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  9. One of my best friends is pretty ill at the moment. That gets friendship of all kinds into perspective

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    1. I find it very strange that some people abandon friends when they are ill. I suppose they are scared.

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  10. If I can, I will reply to all your comments tomorrow. I am told that there is poor reception (of the telephone variety) in our old thatched cottage, so if you don't hear from me until next week, this will be the reason. I am taking my John Aubrey book and there is an open fire there with plenty of logs to burn. Might as well make the most of shit weather...

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  11. I hope that the morning has brought peace to your household ! Enjoy Dorset...Wish I was going.... I love it there. (I know the areas West of Dorchester to Sidmouth )

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    1. Yes, all that is left is a slight melancholy and hunger. I didn't eat the dinner I cooked last night. Our cottage is near Bridport.

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