Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Saturday, 12 August 2017
Five nights in Mother Ludlam's Hole
As I was searching the desktop list for the above scan, I came upon a folder entitled, 'Stephenson - pub liability'. For a second I wondered if I had written a warning note to myself in a moment of forgetful drunkenness, then I remembered that I had scanned my Public Liability insurance certificate to show to clients.
As I am sure most of you can read, I will not tell you of what and where the 18th century engraving is, and I know you have seen it before anyway.
I am thinking of a holiday in Britain. Living in a very popular tourist destination, we normally get on a plane around this time of year, but I am going to try and convince H.I. that we should drive somewhere in this country this time. If all else fails, I am just going to tell her that I will have to go on my own. This will be enough to make her see sense. She hates missing out on anything, even things that she thinks she will not like. She spent the first 50 years of her life hating Scotland until I drover her around the Highlands in a rented Mercedes. "This is beautiful!",she finally admitted.
A few years ago, we were offered a flat for free in Bude, Cornwall, by the sister of its recently deceased owner, before it went on the market. We spent one night there. Bude is the arsehole of Cornish resorts and the weather was foul. We were trudging across the dunes in horizontal rain, when we both stopped, looked at each other, got back into the car and drove home.
We used to stay in a large and run-down house on the cliffs of St Ives, but the owners knocked it down and replaced it with a multi-million pound eco-dwelling which is now the most popular self-catering venue in all Cornwall. We can't afford it any more.
In Europe, there is a massive backlash against mass tourism right now and in Cornwall there is a massive backlash against non-residents with second homes.
I was speaking to a young Spanish man in Malaga last year, and he said that the Spanish have shot themselves in the foot by selling their houses to foreigners for what to them seemed liked stupidly large amounts of money, and now they cannot afford to buy them back.
The same situation happened right here in Bath, but the profits were more long-term in as much as we have this concept of a 'property ladder'. Spain jumped off the bottom rung and spent the money very quickly, with a little help from the banks.
Venice is sinking under the weight of the cruise ships, and hundreds of mainlanders have to be shipped in to cater for the tourists they disgorge. If I go back to Venice, it will be in the Winter.
I may make enquiries about booking Mother Ludlam's Hole for a few days.