Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Thursday, 27 July 2017
I just called into the expensive cheese shop here in Bath and noticed that the Brie was being kept from running over the counter by two very shabby looking bits of discoloured marble.
As I was buying the bread (a wonderful white Sherston loaf for all you dedicated foodies out there) I suggested to the Frenchman serving me that I make them a proper pair of white marble cheese wedges, because the misshaped and dirty-looking bits of broken grey-veined marble did not go with the exclusive image of The Fine Cheese Company.
I was trying to work out what to charge them for the two bits, and they suggested they pay me in cheese. Perfect.
I went to take measurements of the diameter and height of the Brie and they said it would be easier if they just cut me a bit off to take home. Even more perfect.
This is the bit they gave me which I am just about to have for lunch. You can see why they need two bits of cooling marble either side of the cuts - a sort of Brie dam (not Edam...).
If only all transactions could be so simple and cooperative. Man goes into cheese shop and swaps some marble off-cuts for cheese. Everyone is happy.
This cheese shop has expanded hugely over the years. It stocks pretty much every type of European cheese, but also almost all the British ones as well. Britain now makes over 200 types of local traditional cheese - many more than even France.