Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Saturday, 4 March 2017
Someone bigger and harder is just around the corner
Let's see how many fights I can start today. It does wonders for my comments ratings.
Downing Street press office has just proudly announced that Theresa May has given up Salt 'n' Vinegar crisps for Lent. I wonder if she will be able to hold out. Maybe we will notice a less sour expression on her face in the days to come?
I never give up anything for Lent and I never make New Year's Eve resolutions, but if I were to give up crisps for it, then I think I could manage quite well. I hate the fucking things.
Apart from the potato and salt, the worst thing about Salt 'n' Vinegar crisps is the 'vinegar'. Years ago, a food scientist (like Margaret Thatcher) worked out the active ingredient in vinegar, then chemically isolated it as acetic acid, which can be made in bulk using pure chemicals. It never loses its acidity since it is a crystal, whereas real vinegar is a liquid which would turn the crisps soggy whilst losing strength.
They use acetic acid in all sorts of things now and ruin perfectly good eggs by pickling them in it, saving loads of money by not using real vinegar. The awful, harsh, tartness in kid's sour sweets is acetic acid. They daub the stuff all over them. It must - in conjunction with the sugar - do wonders for their teeth.
Occasionally I frighten myself by considering things which I would find very hard to give up for Lent. I suppose alcohol and cigarettes would be the hardest. They have an addictive quality to them which is most compelling. I don't suppose I would suffer for very long in the absence of either, but right now I am not prepared to give them up for any reason short of saving someone else's life.
What would you give up? HAVE you given up anything for Lent?