Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Saturday, 18 February 2017
I keep meaning to have a mini-rant about cable-ties.
They are such strong and useful things that they are over-used. The last time I used them was to attach H.I.'s banner to the railings outside her exhibition. They can withstand any wind and are also virtually vandal-proof against anyone who has not arrived armed with a stout pair of scissors.
They come in all lengths and thicknesses, and are now used by the police as emergency restraints to the wrists and ankles of violent felons.
As their name suggests, they were originally designed to securely bundle together lengths of cables in ducting or wherever, but - as with duct tape - were found to be very useful for all sorts of other applications, not least restraining elderly relatives. Duct tape can be used in conjunction with cable ties to prevent the elderly relatives from screaming for help. Another good use for duct tape is as a method of bikini-line waxing, but without the wax and at a fraction of the cost - so long as you forego local anaesthetic.
Local councils use them to attach notices of parking suspensions or planning applications to lamposts, but - and this is where the rant comes in - they NEVER cut off the spare 8 inches of plastic tie which sticks out from all four corners after the notice has been attached.
The person who takes the notices down when the event is over must be a different one to the person who puts them up, because he/she DOES have a pair of scissors or clippers to cut them off.
After he/she has cut them off - and this is where the rant gets heated - they are left on the pavement where they fell, probably because it is not in the person's remit to pick them up and dispose of them tidily. That is probably the job of the road-sweeper, or whatever they are called these days.