Wednesday 11 January 2017

A life on the open road


We haven't heard from Rachel since she went to Austria. Maybe she did forget the two-pin adaptor after all. I mean, we had daily reports from Russia.

I used the SatNav to find my way to the cottage on the fringes of Minchinhampton Common yesterday as it had been some years since I was there last.

Turn a sharp left, said the electronic voice, so I did. It was very sharp - I almost had to take two bites at it.

Turn right then right again was the next instruction. I looked at what it was asking me to do and thought that this could not be possible given the width of the lane, so I carried on against orders. Recalculating... Recalculating...

It told me to turn around and do it again. This was actually impossible, so I continued for 500 yards to a point where it was just about feasible to make the manouvre, after I had waited for the lane to clear of elderly dog-walkers.

Turn right and right again. I thought I could sense some irritation in the woman's voice. You don't listen to me, do you?

So I turned right and right again and the walls began to close in on me - literally.

"I hope there is a turning point somewhere down here," I said to H.I. who was hoping and praying that I would not have one of my signature melt-downs that occur when faced with these automotive situations. There was none.

We got to the end of the twisty, turny, 7 foot-wide lane to find a dead-end with our friend's cottage at the very end of it. There was nothing to do but switch the engine off and get out while we still had the space to do so.

Another elderly dog-walker paused long enough to say, "I bet you wish you had reversed down here now, don't you?" That was helpful.

Our friend said that when she first moved there, someone drove even further to the end of the lane and wedged the car so tightly between two walls that they could not get out. They had to call the fire brigade. I vaguely remembered her instructions to park at the chapel and walk the 200 yards to the house, but too late.

I only noticed the scars on the stonework of people's houses in the side mirrors as we left. We left earlier than we planned to, as I wanted to get out while there was still enough light to see the walls.

20 comments:

  1. I've quit Helen. We've called her Sarah, too, in the past. Neither friendly name gave her more common sense. Easier to sort out the directions given by someone who actually breathes.

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    1. I might see if Derek has a better sense of direction. Garmin told me that I needed an update, and said I could get one on its website. I went there, and they asked for £199 to provide it. I was given the SatNav.

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    2. Now that we have MapQuest and Google Maps (which I don't care for), it's possible to see maps from anywhere to anywhere, without owning a dozen atlases. I always look, since I am directionaly challenged.
      For amusement, I just asked MapQuest to show me Bath, England. There is your road, right along the river. If I'd looked with Google, I could have tipped up your building and looked in a window.

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    3. Unfortunatley - for all of us - our window is too high to get a good look into on Street View. Also, they would have pixellated my bare arse and obliterated the exquisite detail if it had been hanging out.

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    4. Sorry, that should have read: Fortunately.

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  2. We found ourselves attempting to cross a bridge in the car that was only for pedestrians. 'Someone' had switched Mme Garmin from vehicles to walkers.

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    1. The first Google Maps had a SatNave which sent people over cliffs in the South of England. The only reason it never happened was because the drivers realised they were on a coastline walk in their cars. Google also obliterated an entire large city in the first version.

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  3. I live on a lane which sat nav sends down trucks that are too big.....I just grab my coat and watch the fun now shaking my head very slowly!

    Hope rach is alive
    and well......mind you aren't Austrian folk a bit dour!

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    1. I bet those lotty frivers love you. Maybe you should say, "You shouldn't have done tha mate." That would enhance the experience.

      Most of the Austrians I have met have been a little more than dour. Dour is a Scottish thing, and I cannot recall any world-dominating monsters born there, but I'll think about it.

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  4. That sounds like my worst nightmare.

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  5. Congratulations on picking the right time to follow Madam Sat Nav's instructions!

    Hope Rachel is having a great time enjoying delicious Wiener Schnitzel and hot chocolate mit schlag! Not to mention the occasional waltz or two...

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    1. Austria is Mitt Schlag right now, so long as she didn't miss any connections.

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  6. Rachel commented on Cro's blog the other day and had a dig at me so she is alive and her usual self !!! XXXX

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  7. A few years back we had a French Army Tank wedged between two nearby houses; the scars are still there!.

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    1. In WW2, they would have just knocked down the houses and carried on - in fact they did. They liked straight lines.

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  8. Minchinhampton is lovely, too expensive for us to move to. When we left Stroud, we whistfully looked at places on the internet there and then gave up!

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