Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Sunday, 25 September 2016
It's hard being a man. It's even harder being a boy.
I used to think that women and girls had it easy, if you disounted childbirth. From the male perspective - where else? - it always seemed to me that boys were challenged to prove themselves at every turn and in every situation, until they ceased to be a threat to their peers or were no longer a viable proposition to girls. I think I will have to blame my mother and father for this, and move on.
There is an old Sikh warrior in Rudyard Kilpling's 'Kim', who just cannot move on. He constantly harks back to the days when he was young, strong and very handy with the sword he still keeps by his side at all times, occasionally unsheathing it and slicing through ghosts as if they were air.
Given the choice between eternal life and eternal youth, most men would opt for the youth elixir, and women would like both bottles so that their children remain at their cutest forever. This is where the problem lies - well, more of a conundrum really.
I had a very melancholy dream last night about an old girlfriend from forty years ago.
In my dream, she was the same age as when I lived with her, but I was as I am now, so she refused me. It took a while, but she got her own back for the mild disrespect I had unwittingly shown her at the time.
As Bonzo Dog once said, 'If I could do it all over again, I'd do it all over you.' A double-edged compliment?