What a great day for a garden party! Better than the rain of last week....
Bloated man in a suit: "And not only that, they are all a bunch of despicable bastards who would murder their own mothers for the sake of a few quid! It's all right for you, just having to shake the occasional hand every now and then, but I have to deal with the f*****s on a daily basis!"
Elderly lady in lilac hat: "How horrid. Yes, it must be very tiring."
A little later...
Tall woman in 2-piece and high heels which stick into the damp turf: "I don't know if you are aware that I was forced to accompany that arsehole who calls himself an ambassador the other day to meet a trade delegation from China. How he got that job is beyond me. I suppose you weren't involved?"
Elderly lady in lilac hat: "Bad luck. No, I don't even remember what he looks like. I had no say in the matter at all, I assure you. I always find that the Chinese stand in one's way and spit on the pavement in front of one when one is shopping in Oxford Street. Very rude people"
A little later still...
Man in dark suit (in a crouched whisper): "The President of Nigeria is on the phone. He says he wants his money back."
Elderly lady in lilac hat: "Oh dear. Better tell the Duke of Westminster. (Louder) Good lord - is that the time? Well I think that all went rather well, don't you?"
The Elderly lady in lilac hat has her world well sorted. I see no more than three security people in this picture, and don't want to be corrected if I'm wrong. Though the bishop at the back appears to be keeping an eye on the crowd, too.
ReplyDeletePS--couched = said in a certain way. Crouched = bent over. Although couched also means bent over. It's been since forever the English police have appeared here, so you can hit delete here and it will be like it never happened.
DeleteI meant what I said - 'crouched'. She is about 5 feet 5 inches tall.
DeleteExcellent!
DeleteHave you ever thought of writing a play along these lines Tom?
ReplyDeleteOften, but nobody has ever thought about commissioning it.
DeleteDo I see Victoria Wood playing piano in the background, singing a satirical song about Her Majesty? Oh no, it can't be, she's passed away.
ReplyDeleteIt may be an old photo, so you could be right.
DeleteMy sister goes to a garden party next thursday
ReplyDeleteHer and about 800 others by the look of it.
DeleteAnd not an iPhone camera in sight.
ReplyDeleteYou say that, but there is a great selfie taken by a kid who leapt up beside Her Maj with his iPhone. He is sort of leaning against her.
Delete