Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Sunday, 31 January 2016
More H and S
My client viewed the ornate piece of marble I had installed as a test-run yesterday in a function room, and to my great relief, he loves it. I had mentioned in an email that it was a shame about the fire-alarm - break the glass - button, sensitively placed about one-inch above it, and he told me not to worry, as it was going to be removed. There is, after all, another to one side, almost within arm's reach of the other. How many bloody alarm buttons does one need?
I had already complained about the stupid siting of this bright red box, and they told me it may not be removed for Health and Safety reasons. They looked into the idea of painting it cream to camouflage it against the stone wall and lessen the visual impact, but of course H & S would not allow that either. The whole point, they implied, was that it was to be instantly recognisable so it could be speedily located in an emergency.
The actually building is a multiple series of tall arches, and three of these are fitted with large doors, as well as the two other exits, one of which is designated as a fire escape. All of the doors are fitted with a magnetic locking system which will unlock in an instant during an emergency, so all you have to do is push one of them to open it. You don't even have to turn a handle. The designated fire escape has no alarm button anywhere near it.
The owner of the - private - building asked them to remove the bright red button, so what they did was find a complete new set of white plastic button boxes which are approved by the fire authorities - because they have permanently flashing, blue LED lights on the front in case you cannot find them in an emergency.
I would love to be in on Monday morning's meeting, when the client gets hold of an H & S executive and screams, "Get rid of the f****** button!" two inches away from his face.