Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Tuesday, 1 December 2015
Window-shopping whilst broke
One other thing to add to the long list of things which irritate people like me: When someone attaches a notice or whatever to a lamp post or wherever with a plastic cable-tie, and does not trim off the excess left after tightening it. Maybe this is a mild form of OCD.
I am really interested to know if everyone is the same as me in this respect: I can look at absolutely anything and know exactly how it feels without having to touch it. I don't mean that I have some idea what it must feel like, I mean that I know exactly what it feels like. Occasionally, I will test myself with this, and I am never wrong.
This may be why I cannot understand why some people feel the need to touch sculpture, or why anyone other than blind people are offered tactile experiences in museums and galleries.
In the British Museum, almost every 3D artefact has a notice to one side of it either forbidding it to be touched, or inviting people to touch it. I guess that these notices are primarily directed towards children - who go there in large numbers - and it could be that none of us can accurately predict how something solid is going to feel without quite a lot of experience.
If I touch or handle something which is not intrinsically useful, it is to try to extract some sort of invisible essence from it, or just simply so that I can say that I have touched that thing to someone else in the future. A bit like shaking hands with Elvis.
I think that the biggest tactile shock I ever had was as a child, playing around in some loose leaf-mould in our garden one Summer day.
I unearthed a large chrysalis which was a deep, shiny, rust-brown, and it appeared to be bullet-hard. As I picked it up, it squirmed, throbbed and writhed in my hand in self-defence, and I actually screamed in shock as I threw it back down into the earth. That was the only thing I can think of which caught me out.
I need no reminding of what a young woman's backside beneath a thin layer of silk crepe feels like, and it is not worth the criminal conviction by pretending that I do. The courts take a dim view of this sort of thing these days, no matter how old you are.
"I would like my advanced age to be taken into consideration".