Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Sunday, 13 December 2015
All's well in Ambridge... except Rob
It's the last day of the Christmas Market here, or 'Shed City' as some people call it. There is a coach-park on the edge of town, and last week it reached its capacity with 380 coaches - all parked at the same time. Cardiff comes to town this time of year, for some reason.
Today has been designated Christmas Card making day, because each year we say we are not going to do it, but then H.I. always says we really ought to, she supposes. I had a brilliant and simple idea for this year's, but it's not going to happen.
There is a pop-up bar that appears every year outside a hotel here, and it is designed along a ski-resort chalet, complete with snow. Inside, I am told, there is a photo opportunity gadget for selfies, which makes you look as though you are in a giant snow-globe which has been vigorously shaken. H.I. refuses to pose in it, so this will not be the image on our card. She hates making herself undignified for some reason, whereas I can't help it.
A few years ago, we visited the ice-rink outside Somerset House in London, and I can strongly recommend going there just to watch if you are in London for Christmas. It is both charming and hilarious.
The sight of the marshals pirouetting effortlessly whilst dressed in black bomber-jackets with 'SECURITY' written on them in huge white letters, is an incongruous sight which I will never remember without a smile appearing on my face.
Well, as I am sure you must have heard by now, the Grundys will all be back together at Bridge Farm in a week or so, and Joe will not be forced into a hostel for homeless drug-addicts.
It looks as though there is going to be a Christmas after all.
Well here it is - that didn't take long. It is a detail from H.I.'s latest painting with an opaque film of snow overlaid. That tree isn't really on fire - the sunlight through the window cast a bright shape over the top, and I photographed it before it disappeared. That was weeks ago. I can hardly remember what sunshine looks like. I still think us in a snow-globe would have been better.