Sunday, 12 July 2015

A month in the country - I wish


Below is the perfect example of why I use a false name and a fake email address on this blog - I am intermittently pestered by the blogger we like to call Heron, but is, in fact, a harmless and isolated old Druid called Melvyn Lloyd.


Dear Charlotte

I notice that at times you try to be obnoxious and wonder if it is because you have a thin skin, or that you were damaged as a child perhaps bumped on the head ?

None of the above is actually correct.

Suggest that joining Alcoholics Anonymous might be a life saver, even  if you are an unloved elderly person living and possibly in a council flat.

There is still time to improve Charlotte.

love and hugs

Bertram Fox-Blenkinsopp


He often sends me rather un-funny jokes of a sexual nature, but yesterday he included a dire warning about people's art-works being stolen by a company who turns them into T-Shirts, etc.

This is quite timely, because H.I.'s grandson also sent three images of her work to me yesterday (via my real email address) with a view to turning them into T-shirts! I cannot imagine what sort of images that Heron makes that anyone would want to turn into T-shirts - the mind boggles, especially since the printing of them is a very expensive process indeed, let alone the distribution. The images have to be of very high resolution, so just pulling them off someone's blog to print just would not work.

I was going to post a charming if boring account of our wonderful afternoon/evening in the countryside yesterday, but in the light of everyone's reaction to Cro's rant about welfare states and his reaction to their reactions, I decided to leave it for a while in case people accused me of abusing my privileged position in society by hanging around in someone else's large garden and totally forgetting about children starving in Africa thirty years ago, as brought to our attention by Band Aid at the time.

Oh go on then, I will mention it - to hell with a quiet life.

We were at the house where Mary Berry was brought up (above - the converted stables) because H.I.'s daughter was looking after the animals when the owners went away. There. I even managed to do a bit of name-dropping as well.

I really wish we had a garden to lie around in during the Summer, but I just didn't work hard enough when I was younger (I still don't) and my brother ripped my parents off for their entire life-savings long ago.

I've made my bed and I will just have to die in it.

36 comments:

  1. Sniffing around mary berry's old back passages....
    Sounds like fun

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    1. That would have been the title if it was your post.

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  2. I look high, i look low,
    I'm lookin' ev'rywhere i go,
    Lookin' for a home in the heart of the country.

    I'm gonna move, i'm gonna go,
    I'm gonna tell ev'ryone i know,
    Lookin' for a home in the heart of the country.

    A little light relief, after slogging through Cro's yesterday post remarks. It is so mind boggling, surely you put a chunk of satire in the heart of your ruminating today.
    OK, I need to dress my loom now.

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  3. In three weeks I'm moving house to an inlet and away from the Internet and I'm beginning to consider myself one of the luckiest people In The World.

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    1. Ps, the descendant of a man who collected Aboriginal heads for profit and'science', lecturing bloggers on the welfare class, is sort of hilarious.

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    2. Ha ha! I'd forgotten about that! Does this mean you will not be making any more posts, or just making them when you go into town?

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    3. Sir Joseph's antics cannot be blamed on me. He did an awful lot of good for science (for which you CAN blame me; if you so wish).

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    4. Well said, Cro. The sins of the fathers, and all that. It's still funny though!

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    5. ... in a grim sort of way...

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    6. Oooh sciency stuff.

      So the theft of body parts from the Antipodes is disconnected from your inter-generational wealth, right?

      Knowledge, entitlement and familial prestige are of course connected to our ancestors.

      If you have family connections enabling wealth, access to ancestral benefactors, are part of a class system that enables wealth, then I reckon you are doing okay. Why diss the poor in your spare time?
      FFS. It just makes you look like an arsehole.

      Sorry Tom and Cro for wading in as a colonial, but criticizing the welfare class from a position of hereditary entitlement is something I still find hilarious.


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    7. My god, you really are a weirdo. Where do you get all this rubbish from? I do not 'diss the poor', and I know nothing of my ancestor collecting Aboriginal heads. You really must read THE WORDS if you are to make a worthwhile contribution; not simply imagine what I've written. Plonker!

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    8. He did.
      And I have read it.

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    9. Cro, I'm off now, because this is Tom's blog. If you want to argue the point email me at drumms01 at gmail dot com

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    10. The incident to which you cast guilt on my poor ancestor, was nothing to do with him at all.

      The Aboriginal leader Pemulwuy was killed by a British sailor in 1802 (Henry Hacking), on orders from the then Governor Philip King. For some reason the Governor preserved his head in spirit and it was sent to Sir J in England accompanied by a letter stating that he had been a fine fighter.

      A few seconds research from you would have avoided you sullying Sir J's reputation. I trust that you will now search out all those to whom you have spread these lies, and amend as necessary. Thank you.

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    11. Oh fuck off. I did all that research years ago. I know exactly what your ancestor did. Contact me via email if you want verification and references. I'm not doing it via Tom's blog.

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    12. No. I've put you straight here. That's enough of my time wasted.

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    13. Yes, you seem to have put me in my place, in the comments section of Tom's blog.

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    14. I'm learning stuff here. I am going to have to research now as well, otherwise I couldn't possibly comment either way.

      All I know is that most of the British museums have repatriated Aboriginal remains on exhibition for the last 180 years, giving them back to tribal members who made the trip over, for re-internment back home. I don't know who cut them off in the first place.

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    15. I believe the one to which Ms Toa refers has been lost. I wouldn't be surprised if Sir J buried it in his Soho garden. Not exactly something you'd want on your sideboard; even if was a gift.

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    16. Those heads are all in the process of being repatriated, along with the pickled fetuses, bones ad tissue samples ... but it has been a shit fight to get them back off the BM.

      Getting DNA off the Old People has helped to work out where to bury the remains.

      This is my beef with Banks and the RGS.
      His sense of entitlement to other people's bodies (dead or undead) was not okay, even then.

      So, the way I see it, someone who has inadvertently, and innocently, profited from his wealth has no place in criticizing the poor, the disenfranchised, the dispossessed. Anywhere. ever. Sorry Cro.

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  4. I think I'll write them without clamour, and post them later.

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  5. Every time you long for a garden to lol around in think of two things - the back-breaking work keeping it looking ship shape and the awful midgies when it is the time of year to lie in it.

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    1. This garden is nothing but grass, Weave. That is a ride-on mower being driven about.The garden itself is very boring - not a flower or bed in sight, but is in nice surroundings, plus the fresh air.

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  6. How interesting about your 'fake' name though incidentally I found it easy to reveal your real name,

    Coincidentally I have been forced by technology to use my 'computer' name which means that I lead a double life even in real life. This leads to some confusion including losing air miles because even my daughter forgot the who was the 'real' me.

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    1. Adopting a fake name is more about guarding myself from software scamming programs than other people. For instance, every time I receive an email addressed to T.S. saying that my bank account has been hacked into, I don't even have to think about ignoring it. I received one this morning about the bill for this server being unpaid and that I should renew my bank details to avoid being disconnected. They sent that to my real email account, but the account is in H.I.'s name, so once again I didn't have to do much checking up.

      Loads of you lot know who I really am, and most of you even have my exact address, thanks to eBay.

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  7. You mean your name is not Tom?

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    1. It can be if you want it to be, Donna. I like the idea of being all things to all people, but for a loudmouthed gobshite like me, that is difficult to achieve.

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  8. The hard and fast architectural rule that everything should be either plumb or level seems to have been overlooked in the stable block. Not sure if I totally approve. Designed by a rebel, obviously.

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    1. I have never yet seen a successful barn or stable conversion. I don't think it can be done.

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  9. In a way, I like this argy-bargy.

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  10. If you like argy-bargy then that's good 'cos there seems to be one hell of a lot of argy-bargy in blogland at the moment !!
    Oh… and it sounds as if you all had a lovely day out in the countryside Tom, but not Tom !!
    Love Jackie, who really is Jackie !! XXXX
    XXXX

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