If you live outside the UK, do you have 'Penquin' biscuits, or have you ever heard of them?
In recent years, they have tried to increase their sales (or just spice up our boring lives a bit) by writing two-part jokes on the fold of the wrappers - the question on the outside and the answer underneath.
The jokes have to have some tenuous connection with either penguins - the animals - or the freezing wastelands of either the South Pole (which they inhabit) or the North Pole (which they don't), and it doesn't really matter which, just so long as it is cold.
I'll give you a few examples:
Q: "What do penguins eat at night?"
A: "Star fish."
Q: "Why do penguins jump up and down when they first meet?"
A: "To break the ice."
Q: "What do penguins sing at birthday parties?"
A: "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
Q: "How do penguins get to school?"
A: "On b-icicles."
And my favourite to date:
Q: "What is the name of the Emperor penguin?"
A: "Julius Freezer."
You get the idea.
On many occasions, I sit around with colleagues at lunchtime, and someone has brought in some Penguin biscuits for us all. We read out the jokes and everyone else tries to guess the answer. Many happy minutes are spent doing this.
The trouble is that we now think we know all the jokes off by heart, so we switch the order that we read them out, beginning with the answer and waiting for the question, thus:
A: "Because its snow joke."
Q: "Why didn't the penguin laugh?"
I am beginning to believe that the Penguin biscuit joke-writer has either retired, or he/she has been made redundant. Either that or they over-produced the last few batches, optimistically thinking that sales would be higher.
I have two burning ambitions in life. One is to appear as a guest in 'The Archers' - even if it is only to say one word - and the other is to be the joke writer for Penguin biscuits. Too much to ask?
(When searching for the above image, I found a whole list of all Penguin jokes, but I will not read them just incase there is one I have not yet heard. It would spoil my lunch.)