Sunday, 4 January 2015

Fly on the wall


INTERIOR. A STATE-ROOM IN BUCK HOUSE. NIGHT.

 A DOOR IS OPENED BY A FOOTMAN, AND A PORTLY MAN IN AN ILL-FITTING SUIT IS LET IN.

 "Hello Mama! We had a wonderful time skiing in...."

"Sit down Andrew."

ANDREW SITS DOWN.

 "Did you fuck her?"

"Well the thing is, Ma, it was, like, I mean to say that....."

"DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT FUCK HER???!!!"


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36 comments:

  1. John Going Gently4 January 2015 at 14:56

    Lillibet would say " boff" not fuck

    ReplyDelete
  2. Iris4 January 2015 at 19:13

    These are troubling times in the kingdom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson5 January 2015 at 01:29

      Another annus (my spell-checker says 'anus') horribillis (my spell-checker says 'hornbills').

      Delete
  3. donna baker4 January 2015 at 19:48

    I didn't know that sexcapades were news worthy in Britain. Thought only us Americans were puritanical.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson5 January 2015 at 01:30

      That is true. The case is being brought over by American solicitors.

      Delete
  4. Cro Magnon4 January 2015 at 20:47

    One of them is telling porkies..... but which one. One suspects that the one who's lost her youthful good looks, and can no longer charge big bucks for a 'massage', needs another source of income. Even if he did screw her; so bloody what.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jennifer5 January 2015 at 21:32

      "Telling Porkies" made me giggle. Never heard that expression before!

      Delete
    2. Tom Stephenson6 January 2015 at 01:21

      Cockney rhyming slang: Pork Pie = Lie.

      Delete
  5. Cro Magnon4 January 2015 at 22:54

    N.B. What have you done to poor Rachel; she seems to have disappeared off the face of Blogland. ???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson5 January 2015 at 01:36

      'Poor' Rachel? Try having her latch onto you for a few months and say that again.

      Delete
    2. donna baker5 January 2015 at 10:00

      I must admit, as a new follower, I didn't understand the repartee between the two of you. Wondered if I just wasn't getting the jist of Brits. Please forgive me if I ever say anything insulting or rude. I don't get out much and would just die if I thought I had said something I shouldn't have said.

      Delete
    3. Tom Stephenson5 January 2015 at 10:18

      If you were me, you would have died years ago, then.

      Delete
  6. sarah toa5 January 2015 at 00:25

    Yeah. Where's Rachel gone?

    Rachel?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Frances5 January 2015 at 00:34

    I am missing her too! You haven't been to E. England have you Tom?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson5 January 2015 at 01:38

      No, and I'm not going to go to North Wales, either.

      Delete
  8. Tom Stephenson5 January 2015 at 01:27

    Ok, I will unblock Rachel, but I doubt whether she will ever talk to me again - or so she says in an email to me. It might have been fun for you lot to watch her having a go at me six or seven times on each post, but I started to lose my sense of humour, which is breaking a rule for me.

    Maybe you are also missing all the other followers who have jumped ship over the last few days too, or haven't you noticed they have gone?

    Pretty soon, that idea of talking to one person when writing a blog is going to become a reality.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson5 January 2015 at 01:48

      I'll tell you what might put this into perspective a little better, and that is that her idea of familiarity to people she does not know that well seems to be to talk to them in the same way that she talks to her Partner - abusively - or at least disrespectfully - if what she says is anything to go by. Alright, I know I don't often deserve to be spoken to at all (sorry again, Jack@), but I do like to kid myself quite often.

      Delete
    2. Jacqueline @ HOME5 January 2015 at 02:07

      You don't have to say sorry to me Tom …… you have a right to your opinion and I'm not miffed at all ….. I just thought that I'd explain a few of the logistics about music with fireworks and all that goes with it !!!! ….. Too many cooks and all that.
      But, our son is very good at what he does, and, it is a mother's duty to say so !!!! haha. XXXX

      Delete
  9. Sol5 January 2015 at 02:05

    i wonder what Prince Phillip said....

    ReplyDelete
  10. Britta5 January 2015 at 02:28

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Britta5 January 2015 at 02:29

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Tom Stephenson6 January 2015 at 01:22

      Just say it, Britta - you're making Rachel paranoid.

      Delete
  11. Rachel Phillips5 January 2015 at 08:40

    There are so many things I could comment about in the comments, and not just the ones referring to me, but I would land myself in BIG trouble so I'll keep my thoughts to myself.

    As for the Prince and did he fuck her, he probably did and I bet she was gagging for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson5 January 2015 at 10:18

      And she was 17, and not just 14 like you have to be in Spain before some old bastard like me gets hold of you.

      Welcome back, Rach, and keep blogging. X

      Delete
    2. John Going Gently5 January 2015 at 12:17

      Awww....it's just like watching the end of lassie come home

      Delete
    3. Tom Stephenson5 January 2015 at 13:01

      Your'e next on my block-list - or you would be if 80% of my traffic didn't seem to come via your animal-shit rants.

      Delete
  12. John Going Gently5 January 2015 at 12:17

    I'm so glad mommy and daddy are talking again

    ReplyDelete

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