Thursday, 18 December 2014

Handy Christmas Hint


We all know that domestic murders tend to peak around Christmas time, when kitchens become war-zones and family members who have not spoken to each other for a year get together again so that they can renew the declaration.

Well here's a handy tip for defusing any situation which looks as though it's going to get physical - put a pair of rubber gloves on your feet and walk around talking in a very serious tone about whatever has sparked off the dispute.

I defy anyone who is not on the extreme side of the sociopathic spectrum to keep a straight face for any longer than two seconds when someone - in this case, Green-Eyes - dons the Marigolds.
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29 comments:

  1. John Going Gently18 December 2014 at 05:31

    On your advice, I have just bought two pairs
    Pink and yellow

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson18 December 2014 at 07:04

      I want to see pictures of you and Chris wearing them... please?

      Delete
    2. John Going Gently18 December 2014 at 14:51

      They are all for me
      Pink for minor spats
      Yellow for MAJOR

      Delete
    3. Tom Stephenson18 December 2014 at 15:42

      Spats as well?

      Delete
  2. Jennifer18 December 2014 at 05:33

    Duly noted. And if some of the relatives still refuse to shut up I suppose the gloves could be stuffed in their mouths. Hahaha.

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    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson18 December 2014 at 07:05

      If you squeeze one over your head, it's possible to impersonate a cockerel too - see 'The Wrong Trousers'.

      Delete
    2. John Going Gently18 December 2014 at 14:52

      A penguin pretending to be a cockerel

      Delete
    3. Tom Stephenson18 December 2014 at 15:42

      Spot the film critic.

      Delete
  3. Cro Magnon18 December 2014 at 05:42

    All handy hints gratefully accepted.

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    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson18 December 2014 at 07:06

      If I think of any more, I'll let you know. Oh yes - 'Avoid alcohol at Christmas time'.

      Delete
  4. Joanne Noragon18 December 2014 at 06:12

    What a ploy to make the old folks laugh and get circulating. She's a nurse, after all.

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    1. Tom Stephenson18 December 2014 at 07:03

      Unfortunately, it was my idea. I forced her to put them on.

      Delete
  5. Rachel Phillips18 December 2014 at 07:34

    You don't know Norfolk people then. I could walk around in these and not raise a glimmer.

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    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson18 December 2014 at 11:22

      That is why this game is called 'NFN' in Somerset, then.

      Delete
  6. Iris18 December 2014 at 08:55

    It makes me think of a 1960s scifi movie produced on a low budget - 'The Frogmen'.

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  7. The Weaver of Grass18 December 2014 at 11:03

    Thanks for that handy hint. II shall keep my marigolds handy in case the need arises.

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    1. Tom Stephenson18 December 2014 at 11:24

      You could get someone else to put them on for you before the family arrives - maybe the postman?

      Delete
  8. MrsC (Maryanne)18 December 2014 at 11:39

    Trying to anticipate what you will say fromt eh photo and first lines in the blog reader, I was wondering whether the gloves were to keep the blood from the kitchen warzone off one's feet. I MUST prefer your actual suggested usage!

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    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson18 December 2014 at 15:41

      'fromt eh photo'? 'suggested sausage'? Help...

      Delete
  9. Melanie18 December 2014 at 12:02

    Bwa-ha-ha-ha!! Thanks for the laugh. Perhaps I shall try washing dishes with them on my feet as well. I saw a dress at a vintage shop yesterday with an apron sewn right on it. Gaaa!

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  10. Carol18 December 2014 at 13:26

    Hahahaa, love it!

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    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson18 December 2014 at 15:44

      They could be your last words before you kill a close relation.

      Delete
    2. Carol18 December 2014 at 19:38

      Have you been reading my diary?

      Delete
  11. Helsie19 December 2014 at 00:02

    You're right about the domestic murders. Awful things happening here in North Queensland.

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    1. Tom Stephenson19 December 2014 at 03:44

      I have only just heard about that - shocking. There are a lot of children being killed around the world right now.

      Delete
  12. sarah toa19 December 2014 at 02:29

    Oh Helsie, ... Yes, heartbroken

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    Replies
    1. Tom Stephenson19 December 2014 at 03:46

      On the little clip I just saw about it, the police were taking the opportunity of reminding everyone that they are human too.

      Delete

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