Sunday, 26 October 2014

Guess who you too three

You would have thought that with the clocks going back this weekend Stephenson would have set his on his blog so that we know what time he wrote the bloody thing but as always he has not touched it and I don't know why. Fucking hell why do I find it so irritating that he refuses to set his clock maybe I should take no notice but somehow I can't stop myself from getting angry about it maybe I should just ignore it but I can't. I had decided that I was not going to talk about football at all in this post but did you see that amazing goal by Scholes where he tucked his leg behind the other one and and just flicked it in it was amazing and has to be mentioned. P has gone off to plough a field or something and I cannot go to have my hair done today because it is Sunday. Fucking hell why don't hairdressers open on Sundays like everyone else does these days. M asked me the other day if P and me had oral sex and I said yes we do. We have it every day. He says 'fuck you' and I say 'fuck you too'. I will not be eating any vegetables today unless you count tomatoes as vegetables which I do even though some people call them fruit. Fucking hell they are not fruit. Why do people call them fruit when they are not. I was throwing a box at P yesterday as he went out of the door and it hit the wall. Loads of my old drawings from art school fell out and I looked at them for about an hour forgetting about the argument with P. Some of them are really good and I don't know how I ended up as a stock broker but I was very good at that as well which is how I got to own this lovely cottage in the middle of nowhere. I am wearing a hat as I write this and I don't care if you don't like it because it is a good hat no matter what Stephenson thinks about it. Fuck him.

36 comments:

  1. Now I'm confused. Is this Jane pretending to be Rachel, Tom pretending to be Lance, or Rachel pretending not to be Rachel. I think we should be told.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's for us to know and you not to find out, Cro!

      Delete
  2. Dear Lance and Jane (and this should help Cro),
    You really got me to a tee there, so like you to fall straight into character and pick up on all my little nuances. I can't really single anything out because you are such a joy and so perfect and so clever. Of course I love Stephenson too because I can tell him to fuck off whenever I like and he still loves me. Just popping into Waitrose. Love Rachelxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We thought you might enjoy this affectionate portrait, Darling Rachel. We do, however, think we might have got the name of the footballer wrong, so please feel free to correct us! We - just like Darling Tom - know little about ball-sports!

      Delete
  3. You are very good at this - these posts are hilarious - mimicry is surely the sincerest form of flattery.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed Elaine, I laughed so much tears were running down my face and I had to repair my makeup before I could go into the shop.

      Delete
    2. I hope you were buying tomatoes, R.

      Delete
    3. Just some wine and The Mail. I note the Hattys didn't once mention me being pissed all the time for which I am grateful, it wouldn't have done my image much good.

      Btw can you revisit your Yael comment on my blog please.

      Delete
    4. As far as the wine-drinking goes, 'people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones', is my motto, so I didn't.

      Delete
    5. You have just made a guest appearance on my blog. I don't know who wrote it because the Hattatts never visit me so it couldn't have been them. x

      Delete
    6. I loved it, though I would never buy any Crockett and Jones like those.

      Delete
  4. I shall never forget your description of oral sex and may purloin it to hopefully give others the audible laugh I got out of it. It is better to give than receive. This could go so wrong in so many ways...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh dear, another bad day at the Gunners.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, no Gwil, you've got it all wrong. I know it sounds like me but...............................

      Delete
  6. \oh dear, all this cross-posting, cross-dressing, cross-sexing or whatever it is has got just too much for my ancient mind (and my limited experience, which becomes more evident to me every post of yours that I read.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm... I might do you next, Weave...

      Delete
    2. Don't you mean the Hattys might do Weave next.

      Delete
  7. I am feeling so schizophrenic right now, I might have to lie down. When are we getting back to candlesticks?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Commit yourself to a decent post, then I will get around to you, dear Iris!

      Delete
    2. Not that any of your posts are indecent, of course.

      Delete
    3. I do try to keep up a certain decorum. ;)

      Delete
  8. Your best work to date
    I bow to you!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Replies
    1. Heron's posts are like a saint, not as we know him at all.

      I think I should do the Hattys. What fun I would have!

      Delete
    2. I had thought of doing Heron - complete with poetry and druid bollocks - but I don't really want to give him the attention. I know he still reads this, and as far as he is concerned, any publicity is good publicity, he has such a thick skin.

      When you analyse the Hattatt's posts, they only really give out useful information or accounts or descriptions about things. It is the delivery which makes the posts so memorable - and inimitable! I think you have to be there.

      Delete
    3. Having said that, I think I'll do it anyway.

      Delete
    4. What do you mean? I reckon I could do a brilliant Hatty whether I am there or not. You doing then?

      Delete
    5. I have done little else since I started this thing - why would I do any more?

      Delete
  10. I don't know who these people are but I simply adore them even though I do envy them the amount of oral sex they are having. My life does not compare sadly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, but you have pigs and they don't.

      Delete
    2. P's dad was a pig farmer. I'm getting fed up with seeing how much oral sex we are having. Can we move on please Stephenson.

      Delete
    3. I'm trying to move on, but I have made a massively expensive mistake and I am entertaining my Hun friend, so blogging is a bit difficult for me right now.

      Delete