Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Thursday, 16 October 2014
I suppose that anyone whose self esteem is so low that they would be willing to pay £1095 to some bully to tell them to buck-up may consider attending a course such as this.
Any little pussy-cat that looks into a mirror and sees a lion needs a different sort of therapy I would have thought - maybe one entitled 'Know Your Limits'. This would probably be quite well subscribed, as the first thing the trainee would do when enrolling on the course would be to over-spend on the fee, believing that it was a 'special price' with 'limited availability'.
Have you (Brits) noticed that the gits who run these training courses have almost always got Midland accents? A really successful personal trainer would begin - and end - by saying, "Right. The first thing you have to understand, right, is don't listen to any bully with a Midlands accent who is trying to tell you that he can tap your hidden potential, right, and release the giant within you, right? Now here's your money - take it and bugger off."
I defy anyone to watch an episode of Ricky Gervais in 'The Office' without cringing, particularly the one where he - somehow - gets paid what he thinks is a lot of money to give a motivational talk to a roomful of company employees.
He comes jogging into the room wearing trainers, leather jacket and a baseball cap with 'Simply The Best' playing through the speakers. It is so awful, because it is so accurate.
H.I. is sometimes forced to sit through sessions like this, when the managers have booked some ghastly bloke to shout manager-speak to an auditorium of people who are about 50 times more qualified than him to give the talk.
When she was last assessed (as a teacher of painting and drawing) she would have got full marks were it not for the fact that she didn't use a whiteboard and felt-tip pens when she taught. I am serious.
There is an entire industry based on this nonsense, and the trouble is that the managers write their own contracts, their own rulebooks and their own modus operandi.
If they say you are not fit to teach, then you are not fit to teach, even if you have been doing it for 40 years longer than they have.