Monday, 25 August 2014

Donald Trump is misunderstood


I had two small bottles of healthy ale last night, then went to bed at 8.30 to listen to the radio. Sunday radio is unremitting crap as soon as The Archers has finished, so I fell asleep at 9.00. I slept for 13 unbroken hours.

I can't say I feel any better for it, but at least I do not have the debilitating hangover of yesterday. I eschewed your unanimous advice about hairs of dogs, and I am glad I did - well, all but for two very small hairs: the sort used as a substitute for clean water by medieval Suffolk monks.

You taught me something yesterday - that all Caryatids are female. I then - when checking up to see if you were lying - discovered that they all represented dancers who performed with baskets of live reeds on their heads, to celebrate the nut trees of the village of Karyai.

They were not down-trodden slaves condemned to hold up heavy temples for eternity because of some female wrong-doing as perceived by despicable men. They were carved in stone to celebrate real women, semi-deified to honour the nuts of the village. They must have been bloody good nuts, is all I can think of.

There are certain carvings of men - sometimes goat-like men - which were often used to hold up masonry when not simply free-standing as sorts of wayside markers or whatever, but since they turned into formal masonry from the shoulders down, they were called 'Terms', as in 'terminate'.

Then there are the hoards of conquered fighters turned slaves which you find at the base of triumphal pillars, usually with the victor's feet on their heads. This is how I felt yesterday morning.

The more muscular of these slaves were also often employed to hold up very large bits of masonry, and were frozen in the supreme effort of doing so for eternity. The city of Ljubljana in Slovenia has many 19th century doorways held up by these poor men, so the tradition has carried on for a long time.

Pax Romana in the form of subordination was one symbol, and in the 18th century, we had carvings of Africans holding up serving-trays, which is obviously a much less arduous duty, though maybe just as humiliating.

If ever I win the Lottery, I will design myself a mansion which has - as a doorway - two massively-built and muscular lesbians supporting the ornate pediment above, and this will be a form of celebration which will be in no way disrespectful to women.

It may take some explaining, but I will have teams of people to do that for me - most of them female.

51 comments:

  1. Whatever you say, but I still believe that these female columns are not celebrating women.

    The architecture of Ljubljana celebrates the Semper technique of cladding imitated by Plecnik so watch out, those doorways might not be real.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Whatever.

    Semper technique? Have I learned something else today?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've just looked it up. Plecnik seemed to concentrate on the larger structures, such as the monastery vaults which houses a good restaurant where I once ate.

      The doorways which I remember were all genuinely carved stone, and attached to quite modest houses considering the subject matter, so I think they probably survived the bombing intact and were actually 19th century, unrestored.

      P.S. All the priests in Delphi were female.

      Delete
    2. Check out his Semper's four elements of architecture. There are some good examples of Plecnik's work in Prague and you can see the cladding. I studied a lot about Plecnik and have my notes here at this very moment that I am copying from. I was going to travel around Europe looking at his work for something to do but then I never did it.

      I am not reading the P.S.

      Delete
    3. I will. I should have lumped the PS in with the rest of the words, then - unlike me - you may be digested them along with the rest.

      Delete
  3. Why would they need to be lesbians. How about 2 caryatids in the form of Sarah Palin; complete with specs?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only if I could persuade Tony Blair to be my butler to answer the door. Every man has his price, and Blair's is a lot lower than most.

      Delete
    2. My question is how would you know they were lesbians? It is not that there is a physical marker.

      Delete
    3. If you cannot tell, then be prepared for a good shock the next time you get invited home.

      Delete
  4. Darling T,

    We have obviously been away far too long since, on our return here, we find ourselves completely out of our depth in discussions of matters architectural and stone carving.

    However, we do have some knowledge of Slovenia and, regrettably, have to say that we were underwhelmed by its capital city, much preferring the coastal town of Isola from which daily ferries cross the sea to Venice.

    Now, if we were to win the lottery (unlikely as we never buy a ticket) then a Venetian palazzo, with or without caryatids or stony lesbians would definitely be our destination of choice.

    ReplyDelete
  5. P.S. In our opinion, Donald Trump has always been the master of the 'comb over'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would have used Hugh Hefner in the title, but not only would that have been a little too obvious, he is also dead.

      A friend of mine spent a year or so making brilliantly-cut, gilded mirrors for Trump's apartment in the tower of the same name. His taste in interior design is comparable to a minor prince in the family of Saud.

      I would not wish to retire to Slovenia either, but Pula is conveniently close to Venice, so I may take on a little apartment there, together with a tender to take me over the water. It also has very strong Roman connections, so I would not miss Bath too much.

      We are thinking of going to Venice by train in September - any advice?

      Delete
    2. We were robbed on the train from Paris to Rome. Advice? Keep ahold of your gold.

      Delete
    3. Spend a night or two in Paris, avoid the night Express to Milan and travel through the day time. You see more too.

      Delete
    4. Cro - When in Rome (now where have I heard that before?) we saw a Gypsy kid try to snatch the handbag of a local, only to receive a beating with a large umbrella. From then on, H.I. walked in front of me in certain areas.

      Rachel - we were thinking along those lines too, but without the nights in Paris - well, maybe one night there, just to take the day train.

      Delete
    5. You will need to either spend one night in Paris or one night in Milan in order to do the journey on day trains from London.

      One night in Paris is like a year in any other place, in the words of 10cc.

      Delete
    6. And you know what 10cc refers to, don't you?

      Delete
    7. A mouthful is a party. A spoonful is a one to one.

      Delete
    8. Darling T,

      Venice.....we have lots of personal favourites of where to stay, where to eat, what to see......what do you wish to know?

      Perhaps email us......we should love to assist!

      Delete
  6. You should have used HH, and, he is not dead. And has more hair than DT. Back to that table, it's pure HH. A Trump table would be supported by stacks of money.
    All the gargoyle knowledge above leaves me out; my gargoyle understanding ended with the church at Weatherbury and the gargoyle that destroyed Fanny's grave. And a few others in the pages of British literature.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have tried putting this through Google Translate, but I still need explanation.

      Delete
    2. Far from the Madding Crowd.

      Delete
    3. I buried Fanny years ago, and I'm not digging her up now.

      Delete
  7. One of my favourite memories was arriving in Venice by train. It was the first time that I had ever been to Venice and, you see nothing from the train, alite at the station and step through the doors to that glorious sight of the Grand Canal, beautiful buildings and gondolas. I actually gasped and someone had to shut my mouth for me !!!! We did travel from Florence to Venice but, very soon I would love to go the Venice again on The Orient Express { although, I have heard that it's not as good as it sounds ! } XXXX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'Alight' - get it rite. Did you pay the person to shut your mouth? The Orient Express costs about £3000 per head.

      Delete
    2. No, someone had a staple gun handy.

      Delete
    3. That sounded ruder than I thought it would - I didn't mean it like that.

      Delete
  8. I can't seem to win here ….. whenever you hit the wrong key or make a spelling mistake { which is quite often }, I ignore it as it's easily done and, I was trying to express how overcome I was at seeing Venice for the first time after ALIGHTING from the train. I won't bother anymore !!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Won't bother to go to Venice anymore, or won't bother telling us?

      Delete
  9. Too many shifts , and too little sleep to join in effectively
    So I won't

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You just have, but - like a lot of people - you don't want to miss a party, no matter how bad it is.

      Delete
  10. I am so confused. How does Donald Trump come into all of this? Who is the lady in the picture? Is she a personal acquaintance? Did she buy the sheepskin rug at IKEA?

    But I do like the thought of a celebration to "honor the nuts of a village".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She is Mr Trump's maid. At least that's what I am guessing. That's all I can say for now.

      Delete
    2. Darling Iris,

      It has been too long....we have missed you....

      Delete
    3. P.S. May we join you for the honouring of the village nuts celebration? We can bring the 'shampoo'!

      Delete
    4. My dear Hattatts,

      I am glad to see that your return has brought back a certain decorum which is sometimes lacking around here.

      Forrest Gump may have been told that life is like a box of chocolates, but I have always thought that it is rather like a bag of nuts.

      And Tom, if you are personally acquainted with Mr. Trump's maid do let her know that prolonged work on the knees is not good for the joints.

      Delete
    5. Iris, re your first paragraph here I feel that Tom should be the judge of this and speaking as one who regularly comments here I find your remark upsetting to say the least.

      Delete
    6. Hattats - bring real poo, not the sham stuff.

      Iris - she's on minimum wage, too.

      Rachel - why take it so personally? I am quite capable of lowering the decorum on my own blog without help from anyone.

      Delete
    7. I find the remark insulting to all of us.

      Delete
    8. Rachel, since you are an award winning … eh … Rachel, I humbly apologize. Now, whatever happened to those melons?

      Delete
    9. Apology accepted Iris. I was being over sensitive.

      Delete
  11. Hugh Hefner isn't dead.....and Donald Trump is a douche canoe.

    Happy you're feeling better, Tom.

    ReplyDelete
  12. ?I am just not following the train of thought in this correspondence - Orient express or Third Class.
    All I can say is Venice, Caryatids, Way-out coffee tables - where will it all end

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't follow it either - don't worry.

      Delete
  13. In Berlin you often see Herculian men (in plaster?) holding up in an effortless way balconies.

    ReplyDelete