Sunday, 17 August 2014

Do my tits look big in this?


Has anyone seen the new face of Marks and Spencer's lingerie department? She is a classic English Rose with slightly flushed cheeks, but that may just be the effort of keeping up appearances.

I haven't actively sought out her image, it's just that if you log on to AOL news here in the UK as I am forced to do, a little advert in the corner has her selling their wares in a variety of positions, today's one being a reclining one in a softly-lit boudoir.

M & S have always been renowned for their underwear, but usually the sort of pants that spring to mind when they are mentioned are, traditionally, St. Michael's Y-Fronts. The place has been struggling with their image for years now, possibly because most people admit to shopping there for sensible undergarments only, and these things are usually hidden beneath clothing from other outlets, so comfort is the main criteria when choosing them.

The loyal clientele who have been buying drip-dry, beige, uni-sex, jacket and trouser uniforms from M & S have all died now, and since these outfits were bought by the wife for the husband and herself, they are looking for a new customer-base to fill their place. They seem to have settled on the slightly older, slightly larger woman who is trying to have as much risque fun and fantasy as she can before being relegated to sexual invisibility by the generation below her.

They have tried to appeal to younger customers in the past, but this has always been a complete and utter, laughable disaster - a bit like your mother referring to the club you are about to go to as a 'disco' in front of all your friends.

Of course, the latest models are all in their early twenties, but they have obviously been chosen to represent the best that any woman over forty could ever hope to aspire to, without actually attaining the eye-catching imperfections in the nick of time before their bodies go irretrievably South, as everyone's must. The pink flush to the cheeks of their new 'face' is not broken blood vessels.

It is a terrible truth that despite the onset of old-age with all its attendant maladies, men are never fully free from the sexually frenzied merry-go-round of seduction and flattery, and not just because of the cruel biological programming which instructs our minds to fool us into believing that we still have the bodies of twenty-five year-olds, and can behave accordingly.

If a twenty-five year-old woman thought that she was unattractive to even a ninety year-old man, she would be mortified with shame and pain. It is our duty to be dirty old men for their sake, and suffer the consequential abuse in stoic silence.

16 comments:

  1. I know what you are thinking about the last paragraph - that it's a fine line which is easily crossed, and the experience of years does not make its delineation any clearer. I speak from that experience.

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  2. Personally I would change the 'dirty' to healthy ?

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    1. That's because you are dirtier than most.

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  3. I think that the ' English Rose with slightly flushed cheeks look ' is courtesy of a bit of Photoshoping !!!! { she says enviously !! }
    …… and, obviously, for it to be your duty to be a dirty old man, is your excuse and your sticking to it { if you'll pardon the expression !! } XXXX

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    1. That's all too much for me to take in in one go.

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    2. ……. as the actress said to the bishop !!! XXXX

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  4. I have never shopped in M&S clothes department associating it with cardigans, white knickers, slippers, my mother, frumps, the 1960s, and staff doing stock control in an exercise book.

    I go along with your final paragraph, fair comment but never talked about by women.

    I haven't seen the advert you mention in the first paragraph. Where are the tits in the picture above this post, they look like two fried eggs to me.

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    1. Nothing wrong with white knickers, especially when they get a bit old and the elastic starts to give.

      I go into the pub sometimes and if there are only men behind the bar, I ask when the tits are turning up.

      "One's just arrived," is the usual answer.

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  5. Well, as a female on the wrong side of forty, I find this all very interesting. What advice to you have for me Tom?

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  6. I wish I could go all feminist on you and argue that letcherous men are disgusting at any age BUT at my ripened age of 55, when an older geezer lunges ahead of me to open a door and winks at the same time lets just say my hubbie gets the benefit of those gestures. I'm a happier Midlife Farmwife altogether. Carry on Old Man

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    1. Not that I need your permission. I used to go all feminist on myself when I was young, and that got me nowhere at all.

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  7. I believe today's rumination is left over from the pub last night. Gotta love old men talking.

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    1. I didn't go to the pub last night. NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA !

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  8. My tits look big in anything. I am not going to alert you to this comment being here.

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