Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Sunday, 20 July 2014
Something evil this way comes
The wonderful and awesome (literally, this time) electrical storms which have been sweeping over the South (3000 lightening-strikes in 2 hours the night before last) have knocked out many automated electronic systems like cash-registers, but I haven't heard of any more obvious damage.
I tried to put some petrol in the car, but although the pumps were full and working, they wouldn't talk to the tills in the shop, so I had to take my custom elsewhere. The first thing that is going to happen in WW3 is the deliberate, complete and utter knock-out of the internet, then we will have to go back to buying vegetables on the street from stalls. Rumours will replace 24-hour rolling news, just like the old days.
After they have disabled all but the crudest of communication systems, they might want to set off a few neutron bombs. These bombs are brilliant, because they kill absolutely everyone - and their pets - who has not hidden in a lead-lined chamber, whilst leaving all the architecture and white-goods completely unharmed.
The ratio of washing-machines to humans will be about 50-1, and the housing shortage will be a thing of the past. The government - who have all been hiding in lead-lined chambers - will have their work-load dramatically reduced, as the population will consist of a handful of radio-therapists who hide in lead-lined chambers as part of their every-day job.
Ok, I am awake now, but these are the sort of thoughts which preoccupy my sleeping hours, especially at weekends. Last night it was not all dystopian visions of the future - it was much more basic.
I was on a large, earthen dyke behind a massive, wood-fringed field in the twighlight, when a small dog came running from the edge of the wood in sheer panic. Its owner went toward the wood to investigate, and then ran screaming in my direction. Something very big and very nasty was coming out of the wood.
I ran up the bank to try to escape it, and when I reached the top, I was horrified to see a gigantic, black dog appear at the crest which would have put the Hound of the Baskervilles to shame. There was nowhere to escape.
I waited for the inevitable attack, but the huge hound just ran straight past me.
At first I felt a huge sense of relief, but then it dawned on me.
The massive beast was running away from whatever was coming out of the woods...