Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Thursday, 17 July 2014
Reasons to be cheerful
I still have work, and it seems to be tolerated that I carry it out at half the speed of most of the people around me.
This block of marble isn't too big to be taken to my workshop, it's just that I am plagued with horseflies there at the moment, probably sent from Norfolk to torment me.
Turning this block from rectangle to ovoid entails the donning of masks and ear-defenders, and the use of very noisy, very dusty, diamond rotary tools. When you are bent double and engaged in this sort of activity, you don't notice the horseflies creeping up on you until it is too late.
Anyone could do this work, and I wish someone else would. My glamorous assistant has withdrawn from the world - or at least my world - and because I come as a package, it is down to me to do stuff like this. Like I keep saying (out of irrational guilt at charging the same as my car-mechanic charges me), I don't get paid by the hour, I get paid by the results.
One of the lifting and shifting firemen asked me the other day, "What material do you like working with the best, stone or marble?"
"I hate both of them in equal measure, for many different reasons," was my honest reply.
I also added that - of all the jobs you could possibly think of - the working of stone and marble is the one most aptly suited to the description, 'It's like banging your head against a wall - it's nice when you stop'.