Friday 4 July 2014

Out of my life forever


The little blue graph-line to the left of my dashboard showed a dramatic and unexplained up-turn a couple of weeks ago, then it began a plunge downward forming a pleasing mountain-shape, levelled out for about a week and is now heading toward the bottom of the screen.

I have already been told to stop worrying about it and take no notice (...if you can treat those two impostors just the same...), but being right in the corner of my eye, it gets to me. A squiggly blue line actually gets to me. It's pathetic.

I met the gang plus a couple of two, new friends outside our Carluccio restaurant last night, and who should be seated next to us but Paddy Ashdown. This may not be of any consequence to anyone who has not studied British politics over the last 30 years - in fact, it isn't of much consequence to me either.

All I will say is that he is now more like his Spitting Image puppet than the puppet ever was like him - oh, and he smokes cigarettes!

Horseflies and poverty aside, I am really enjoying this classic British Summer. The gentle rain which has put temporary halts to the cricket matches on the village green has at least ensured that the green lives up to its name when play resumes.

But the season - like life in general - is not without unpleasantness.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed a lot of flies buzzing round something in the huge bank of nettles outside my workshop, and further investigation revealed a black, plastic bin-liner.

I got a long stick and gingerly lifted a corner of the bag, then my heart missed a beat when I saw a large rib-cage with bits of rotting flesh hanging from it.

Ever since a man swung from a nearby beam undiscovered for a couple of weeks of hot Summer a few years ago, I have been a little jittery about more death in our secluded part of the countryside, so I suspected foul play immediately.

Well it turned out to be extremely foul play, or at least the aftermath of it, made fouler by the warm weather.

Someone had considerately dumped the remains of a village hog-roast in my undergrowth, rather than put it in their own dustbin or re-cycling unit to be turned into compost.

For the last few days, my attention has been diverted from it by the horseflies, but yesterday the stench became so overpowering, that I plucked up the courage to drag it into another part of the yard, from where I hope it will be dragged further by foxes, badgers or dustmen.

Try as I might, I just cannot get to grips with the mentality of people who think that it is easier to take something to a beauty-spot to dump it, rather than utilise the facilities which they pay for with their rates.

Out of their lives forever, but into someone else's. It is impossible to 'throw something away'. It is your duty to just deal with it.

35 comments:

  1. Darling Tom [please not continued love and affection]:

    Until this moment we had been totally unaware that the little blue squiggle at the top of the dashboard held any significance at all. Indeed, if we thought about it, we assumed it was a Blogger decoration. Now, on closer examination we realise its purpose which, at this moment, is to signify that our visitor numbers are plunging downwards with an unstoppable momentum. Very, very disturbing. If this continues, then we really will be writing to ourselves!!

    Yes, we remember Paddy Ashdown, more for some affair he had rather than for any great political achievement.

    How unpleasant to have had things dumped in the proximity of your workshop. The mentality of such people is quite beyond us too.

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    1. Please note 'note' not 'not'. We are becoming careless!

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    2. Firstly, thanks for the unconditional love. I have net yet received any demands from you, so I am assuming it is unconditional.

      Secondly, I would not have thought that any blogger who feels the need to advise commenters to re-load the page should the comments exceed 200 ought to be worried about any squiggly lines, blue or not.

      Thirdly, I am about to respond to Mr (Lord?) Ashdown's past career to Rachel, so I won't repeat myself here.

      And finally, I almost panicked about the word 'not' attached to the header regarding your continued affection, but H.I. persuaded me out of the locked bathroom and dried my tears after she read the read you correction.

      Phew.

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    3. My time to swap my word 'net' for your word 'not' - this was NOT deliberate!

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    4. See it's those sly Hattatts again! They have you all discombobulated. (Wink wink!)

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  2. I'm seething on your behalf. I spend a lot of my life tutting at others' lack of refuse-related responsibility and picking up bits and pieces off the moor.

    On the subject of insects, we noticed a football sized wasp's nest in OB's hut in the garden and a strange man came and poked it with a long, chemical spouting stick this morning at 8.00am, then legging it very fast back to his van. "They be angry" he said "gone by noon". They are....I think. Very sad but they were right by the gate and I didn't fancy a football-ful of wasps swarming around the garden. No dead bodies in bags here thank goodness.

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    1. Wasps nests are fine, just so long as you don't bang the door too hard. I speak from experience.

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  3. At our Florida house we have alleys in the back with large dumpsters that are shared by the neighbors. People dump all kinds of stuff in them. We were blamed even for some illegal dumping after a city inspector investigated and thought it may have come from our house (it did not). We have now installed a camera and a large sign and this has stopped the problem. We get photos emailed if someone is in the alley at night. I find it all very interesting to see who's about in the night and what they are doing.

    The dumping of the pig is horrible and disrespectful. Sorry you had to deal with that.

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    1. I have thought about installing a Trail-Cam, then selling the footage to the locals police, or even putting it up on You Tube, but life's too short.

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  4. Paddy Ashdown became the monarch of Bosnia in about 2002 and dedicated to the saving of said country and was able to be a real leader instead of nothing that Liberals always are. I am surprised, with due respect, that your loyal followers in the Eastern block do not remember him for this.

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    Replies
    1. True. The reason he went back to Bosnia is because - when he was actually in the army - he had to stand by and watch the locals murdering each other for 'ethnic cleansing' purposes, without having the mandate or orders to do a fucking thing about it.

      This affected him deeply at the time, and probably still does.

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    2. It is merely a fact I was imparting. I am sure he is still deeply affected and few were quick off the mark at the time of the conflict to intervene in the Bosnian conflict. I remember P shouting at the tv news at the time for the UN to do something.

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  5. Pantsdown wasn't with Patricia Howard, was he?

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    Replies
    1. I don't know, and it's so long ago now that I don't care either.

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  6. Nettlesome events. I hope the scavengers make short work of the pig, although I cannot bring myself to envision foxes in that category.

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    1. 'Nettlesome events' is the most splendid phrase I've heard all week.

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    2. Me too. I'm trying to think of a way I can incorporate it into my every day language without it sounding studied.

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    3. "I find this discussion nettlesome!" Empty pint to the bar, exit stage right. Or wherever the door is located.

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    4. That could work, but they would just laugh as I left, and that would be worse.

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    5. Violet Crawlley (Downton Abbey) could not have come up with a better term!

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    6. I'll need to ask John about that.

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  7. I thought you were referring to the dashboard in your car and couldn't work out where the mountainous blue line came in. Viewing figures can be addictive....and crushing. I try to ignore them as much as possible.
    As to the dumping of the remains of a piggy in your yard, karma will catch up with the blighters at some point. My husband, usually the calmest of men, is moved to violence by people who drop litter.....God knows what he'd do if someone dropped a pig.

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    1. The strange thing is that when the blue line took a nose-dive, my stats told me that about 20,000 people were looking at this stuff every week. They lie in both directions, methinks.

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  8. Tom - I am heading towards a nervous breakdown as I have lost your blog off my blog list and try as I may I cannot get you back on. I keep going to your site and going through the procedure but you won't obey my command to return. Help!

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    Replies
    1. Calm down, dear!

      Go to the 'followers' bit on this site, then click on 'follow publicly' and it should renew itself.

      If that doesn't work, then clicking the little envelope at the bottom of here should get you an irritating email saying that I have just dropped another pearl of wisdom, though 'pearls' are not how I think of them.

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  9. Done it! I can stop taking the tablets!!

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    Replies
    1. Oh, I read this after I typed the above. Phew again.

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  10. OMG panic over. I also thought you meant the dashboard of your car. And as I think you still drive an old Volvo much like our wonderfully reliable 16 year old estate, I turned to Mr EM in panic. Had he seen the blue graph-line dip? Would 'Sven' soon be out of our lives forever? Phew - we poured another glass of M&S vdp Gers and sank back in the equally ancient sofa to watch Brazil score goals like they know how to play football. It's a wonderful life. Dead pigs and deadbeat politicians notwithstanding.

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    1. They are quite sophisticated for their age, but not to the extent of a graph on the dashboard - without a diagnostics laptop plugged in...

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  11. My turn to welcome you back, Rachel.

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    Replies
    1. A Freudian slip, a mistake or a Blogger trick. I spotted this morning that you had gained a follower. Imagine my surprise (horror) when I saw that it was me. Ok, but it is alright now I am here, thank you for the welcome.

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    2. All I can say is I'm glad the Tour de France doesn't last as long as the football season. I wish I could get more interested in sport, but ever since McEnroe retired, I've even lost interest in tennis.

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    3. I promise not to bore you. My attention to the Tour does not go very deep and work will prevent me watching during the day so reports will be brief it at all. I gave up tennis when Rod Laver retired.

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