I try not to waste anything in this house, so I don't know why we end up with a bin-liner full of rubbish every week.
I tried putting the hand-grenade on Gumtree the other day, but it lasted even less time than it took for them to remove it from eBay. I did search the 'restricted items' section, and it mentioned guns and ammunition, but nowhere did it ever mention bombs. I expect they thought that I would take that as a given.
I did begin to wonder what I would say in the Post Office when they asked me what was inside the package, though. The last time I posted something, I asked them why they needed to know, and they said it was for the sake of security in today's dangerous world.
Then I responded by asking what was stopping me from lying about what was in the package, and the young lady said that if my description of the contents didn't tally with an X-Ray that they might take of it, then they would take the parcel to a safe place and probably blow it up in a controlled explosion.
So for a few weeks now, I have been trying to think of how to describe the contents of this particular package without lying, and without being pinned to the floor by armed police and taken away to be interrogated for a few weeks under the Terrorism Act.
It's a tricky one, you have to admit, but since I don't stand any chance of selling it under any category - including 'paperweight' as I tried last time - then it is a problem which I am unlikely to to be faced with in the near future.
This thing has taken on the status of the recently departed telescope now, and I am truly sick of looking at it, so I have relegated it to the upstairs and out of my sight - something I couldn't do with the scope.
I bought two 'perfectly ripe' avocados the other day and, having eaten one, was struck by how well the Mills Bomb would fit into its snug little vacancy - like two peas in a pod. Then I got fed up with looking at that, so took it out again.
Then it struck me as ridiculous too leave the remaining avocado in a paper tray on the table, so I took that out as well.
Then I stared at the black paper tray, and thought what a good robber's mask it would make, so made it.
The end result is something else I would not be allowed to enter a Post Office with either, so I will throw it out with all the rest of the rubbish this thursday.
Life is so complicated.