Wednesday 18 June 2014

Grandmother's axe


The mention of Bath being a series of facades which bear almost no relation to what lies behind them yesterday, touched on a nerve with some of you.

We went for a meal in this open-plan restaurant last night, and as I sat outside having a fag, my eyes focussed on these three gables which - almost without thinking - I had visually read as a separate building behind.

In fact, they are all that remains of the 17th century building which stood on this ground-plan that - over the years - has been whittled away to leave just the three points of the roof which was the main construction of all the town buildings before the Georgians demolished them all for the sake of grandeur.

This example is really strange because, usually, the first thing they did to a building when modernising it was to completely remove the  - in their eyes - rustic gables, then simply stick a Georgian facade right over the front of the original one. The Bell Inn (which I believe I may have mentioned in previous posts) is a classic example of this practice, and the only clue as to the three gables are the three windows at the very top - with a now truncated roof-line.

These three gables now apparantly float on nothing, but I am guessing - and hoping - that there are a series of extremely chunky steel joists which keep them safely up over the heads of the diners and pedestrians. They must have gone to an enormous amount of engineering trouble to cut away the rest of the building beneath them, and now they go almost unnoticed.

I think that my eye has been drawn away from them by the much more disturbing sight to the middle left, of the a row of large blocks over the alley, which appear to be held up by nothing at all. Of course, I know that there is a modern 'Catnik' beam behind and under them, as specified by a perverse architect.

Most modern architects are perverse, I have decided. These beams which create such a highly worrying, natural instinct to run out of the way for fear of death by falling masonry, are only used by architects as a sort of stupid joke. They don't care if anything they design creates a sense of fear and foreboding in the populace, just so long as they catch your eye. I despise the attention-seeking bastards.

The three gables - although exactly the same as they were on the original, early house, have obviously been renewed and replaced a few times over in the last 300 years. The quoins which run up the edges are obviously quite new, relatively speaking, and quite a lot of the core stonework, as well as the window-headers seem to have been replaced as well.

What I want to know is what Grandmother was doing with that axe in the first place?

23 comments:

  1. Is that the French restaurant next door to Jamie's?

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    1. Yes - Cote. Jamie's is the huge, lead-covered lump to the left.

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    2. Bath is fast being taken over by large restaurant chains.

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  2. A hefty lump of Oak would have been better than those stones. Too simple, maybe.

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    1. Their excuse would be 'too unstable', but all the originals around here haven't moved - much. A nice, 7-piece stone arch? Too expensive.

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    2. Actually, they could have used a Catnik and then faked a real arch within it - much more visually reassuring.

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  3. Hello Tom:

    Totally off subject but since Brighton got an airing in your last post, coming second to Bath after London, perhaps we could sell our flat there, on the seafront, to one of your Followers for a handsome price. It is, after all, Regency.

    Forgive the commercial. Did you enjoy your dinner?

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    Replies
    1. The dinner was perfectly adequate ,thank you. Now, down to business.

      I am perfectly happy for you to sell your Brighton flat on my blogsite, subject to the usual 10%.
      My people will be in touch with your people.

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  4. Took my girls there for lunch after a visit to Bath Spa (Jamie's was full) back in January. It was busy but the service was good and the food was excellent.

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    1. It's got a lot better since it first opened, but it is nowhere near as good as the establishment it replaced.

      Thanks for the restaurant review, though. Maybe you should sign up to Trip Advisor?

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  5. http://20filmwords.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/went-the-day-well-axe.png

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    1. I don't need to look that up, I remember it well. I'm sure Peggy Archer would have done the same.

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    2. Not tonight.. She's lost it over her old dead pussy

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    3. That brought a tear to my eye - I became quite moist, especially when the vet stuck his prick into the poor old pussy.

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    4. And Peggy suddenly fell into Jill's arms.......

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  6. Yes, come to think of it: you may have mentioned The Bell before...
    As to the three gables: very strange. In Hamburg they hollowed out the Alte Post - a very fine building - and put shops inside, in Berlin they build the Schloss up again (in old style) - but I've never seen hovering part of the top.
    Architects should be forced to live in their 'product' for a while.

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    Replies
    1. I agree, Britta. Especially the 1960s high-rises.

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  7. The ancient and modern facades of Norwich hide nightclubs, nightclubs and nightclubs. The axe is kept at home for when the nightclubber returns and feels like a fight with a neighbour. We were only saying yesterday in the office that clearly an axe is a must have in every household.

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    1. Definitely - especially since none of you lot would ever be granted a gun licence.

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  8. "Granma' . . . ?"
    "Yus, Thom?"
    "I'm bored. What can I do?"
    "Let's go an' axe Granpa."

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    Replies
    1. Or:

      "Grandpa,"

      "Yes dear?"

      "Do you know what oral sex is?"

      "Oh yes. Me and your Grandma have it all the time."

      "Really?!"

      "Oh yes. She says, 'Fuck you', and I say, Fuck you too!"

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