Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Saturday, 3 May 2014
There has been a spate of almost ordinary, almost well-intentioned people being thrown out of Bath pubs in the last few days.
The last time that I am aware of was the 'Farage Wave' incident at The Bell Inn, which has paid for Gary's bar-bills for the next month or two, but because of its wide appeal to right-thinking people across the nation, has overshadowed other incidents involving well-intentioned people on both sides of the bar. I'll explain what I mean.
On April 23rd, a group of young men decided to take the day off to celebrate both St. George's Day and Shakespeare's birthday, so dressed up in white t-shirts with the red cross of St. George printed on the front, and went into the Hobgoblin pub in the middle of town.
The landlord of the pub mistook them for a bunch of fascist BNP (British National Party), dressed up as EDL (English Defence League) and refused to serve them. They explained to our local newspaper that they were not rowdy and shouting and, as far as I know, they didn't all have shaved heads or 20-hole Doc Martens on, so it seems the landlord overreacted.
This weekend is a bank holiday here in Britain, ostensibly to celebrate the pagan-rooted Mayday festival. Even this innocent, agricultural holiday has been hi-jacked, and now Britain's Labour Party (or what's left of it) claim it as their own, hard-won day-off for the workers.
Why is it always young children who dance around the Maypole? Because ancient lore decrees that in order to maximise the chances of a fruitful harvest, it must be virgins who perform the ritual, and virgins over the age of 15 are pretty hard to find these days.
In Scotland, the 'Tatty Holidays' will arrive soon. These were originally arranged by farmers who needed to pull their children out of school to help with the potato harvest, but they are now just meaningless days off. Most of these old holidays were centred around agricultural cycles and seasons, and - like all popular things - have been hi-jacked by others to suit their own purposes. This weekend's celebrations at The Bell have been dubbed, 'BELL-TANE' - gedditt?
My birthday is coming up soon this May, but even that has been hi-jacked.
Almost exactly a year ago, H.I.'s daughter called me to ask what day it fell on. When I told her, she said, "Shit. I thought it reminded me of something when I booked the wedding with the registrar."
I had my last birthday two years ago, but I wasn't aware that it would be my final one at the time.