Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Thursday, 29 May 2014
My torrid sojourn in the toilet with a footballer's wife
We had a bit of a name-dropping contest in the pub last night, and I believe I won.
The search for famous people who we have had some tenuous connection with, brought to mind the time a few years ago (everything seems to have been a few years ago) when I made some fancy stone things for a rich and famous footballer. I'll give you a clue: he was born in Leicester.
His gorgeous wife wanted a small, stone hand-basin made for the downstairs bog (stop me if I have already told you this story) and I needed to go to their grand house in the leafy Berkshire suburbs to discuss it with her.
Once there, I was offered a quick sandwich and coffee, then it was down to business. The lavatory under the stairs was so tiny and cramped, that we had to shut ourselves in, and she carried on with the conversation whilst sitting on the actual toilet with me standing six inches away from her and the closed door behind me. Sadly, she didn't use the facilities the whole quarter of an hour we were in there. Now that would have been the clincher to a winning story.
I didn't have to tell my Prince Charles story (again) as everyone backed off to refresh the image of the footballer's wife locked in a toilet with me. I regularly refresh this image myself, in the wee hours when I wake up from reading a book.
Did I tell you about how I won the 'Strangest Thing You Have Ever Eaten' competition?
FOOTNOTE: I was looking at my blog-stats yesterday, and discovered - if Google are to be believed - that about 2000 people a day read this rubbish. The all-time record for the most hits I have had, is for a post entitled, 'Golden Showers'. I am guessing that of the 18,000 or so people who looked it up just because of the title, about 17,980 switched it off in disappointment, without so much as reading a word - well, maybe about 4 words. It is going to be interesting to see the effect that this title has on my hit-rate.