Monday, 17 February 2014

Techno weekend

I finally left with Orange Mobile (AKA 'EE') with a flourish this morning, and signed up to the incredibly cheap and easy 'GiffGaff', which piggy-backs off O2.

The hardest bit was getting the nice lady at Orange to hand over the PAC code. I hate these long goodbyes.

She asked me where our relationship had gone wrong over the last 18 years, so - she asked for it - I verbalised a great tirade of complaints, not least the one about how the replacement phone salesman had turned up on my doorstep with the new gadget, then asked me to hand my old and live one back before he gave me the other. The heartless bastard wanted me to hand over all the stored info on it as well, so - with a tear in my eye - I told him to go away and leave me with the old, dependable devil I know, if not love.

"Is there nothing I can do to keep you faithful to me?" she asked, and when I quoted 250 minutes, unlimited internet, calls to China and the USA for 3 pence per minute and unlimited texts for £12 per month, she sobbed, gave me the PAC code and hung up. She was a lousy shag anyway and I will not miss her.

I also bought a 500 GB (I only needed to store 45 GBs out of 360) external hard-drive on Sunday, because I have to have a heart-to-heart with the Mac shop about our child which refuses to go to bed before it has watched a DVD, and it refuses to play DVDs right now.

It's a little monster. It's a Cyclops with eyesight problems, and needs a new laser monocle. It has selective memories, and cannot handle anything over one layer thick.

I don't trust them, you see, so I have already cancelled all direct debits and it took less than an hour to back-up all that pornography I have spent years accumulating when I bought the iMac.

If you have my mobile number, you may not hear from me for some time, even though  - within minutes - I had Google up and running on the little phone I had bought for a mere £50, as opposed to paying out all that maintenance money for a child which refused to behave itself.


  1. Where did you get that photo of my mother?

  2. She was the model for the far side cartoons

    1. 'Mooses'? What's the plural of 'Moose'? 'Meese'? Help me out, you mountain-dwelling red-necks.

  3. Oh, and I really belied that this was a photo of Mrs Trellis!

  4. I found this wonderful answer to the plural of Moose, which I thought you would enjoy!

    Erik Van Thienen answered 4 years ago
    "moose", plural : "moose", (chiefly humorous) "meese", (dated, rare) "mooses"

    "The use of "moose" in the plural is sometimes problematic. The regularly-formed plural, "mooses", is by now rare and its use may be regarded as irksome and uneuphonious. The form "meese" — formed by analogy with "goose" → "geese" — will in most cases be greeted with a snigger, and is thus generally only appropriate in humorous contexts; even pragmatics notwithstanding, because "moose" has Algonquian origins — wholly unrelated to the Germanic roots of "goose", on whose pattern the plural "meese" is formed — a strong declension plural form is etymologically inconsistent. The etymologically-consistent plural form would be "*mosinee", but this plural form sees no use in English. In ordinary common usage, "moose" is treated as an invariant noun, which means its plural is also "moose" (as with the names of many animals, such as "deer" and "fish", which are also invariant); however, this usage can sometimes be considered stilted when a group of more than one moose are considered individually, in which case avoidance of the plural may be the best option, necessitating the employment of a circumlocution, as above"."

  5. "She was a lousy shag anyway and I will not miss her."
    Love it.

  6. You know Tom, you are quite "up" on all the techie terms and I am duly impressed. But still you might've treated John's mum with a little more respect. A good shag goes both ways you know.