Thursday 9 January 2014

Not much luxe, eh Darley?


That house in Cornwall was demolished to build this one. It is an eco-house which costs peanuts to run, but a fortune to build, which is why my friends are seeking to rent it out as a luxury holiday house when they are not in it themselves.

The house which stood there before was built around 1920, I suppose, and was not really an architectural gem, but had the sort of charm which evokes (for my generation) childhood holidays in uncomfortable and draughty accommodation. It really did need a lot of money spent on it to stop the water coming in, etc, but if you looked at it unromantically, the cheapest thing to do would have been to start again, which is what they did. I'm not sure it was that cheap though.

For anyone who has never been to Cornwall, let me tell you that the standard of Cornish builders is second only in awfulness to certain parts of France. People take their own builders to Cornwall in the same way that they take their own to their Gite in France, the locals being so careless.

One almost positive thing that you can say about Cornish builders is that they embrace new technology with both arms if it makes life (and money) easy for them. The trouble is that they continue the embrace for so long that the new becomes the old very quickly, but not as quickly as it takes to fall apart.

Breeze-blocks are used in favour of concrete blocks, mainly because they are so light. Despite the fact that breeze-blocks soak up water like the sponges they emulate, they were hardly ever laid on a damp-proof membrane, meaning that they take in water from all directions - even upwardly.

Pebble-dash render has been the preferred way of disguising the breeze-blocks for almost 100 years now, and is still very much in use. The advantage of pebble-dash is that it traps the dirt and moisture very nicely, and if you happen to bump into the wall on a dark night, even a slight collision takes your skin off as if you had a close encounter with a giant shark.

About 40 years ago, the whole of Cornwall became the target of every double-glazing company in the U.K. and many locals made a fortune by ripping out perfectly good, traditional, casement windows and replacing them with really nasty, white, UPVC units which never fitted properly, and jammed just after the short guarantee had run out. Any modest house in Cornwall has at least 5 windows or doors which cannot be used, and if there were ever to be a fire blocking off the useable ones, people would have to smash the others out of the frames to escape.

The double-glazing fills up with water-vapour, meaning that the spectacular views to be had are hardly ever visible, and the white of the UPVC turns a dirty grey which cannot be reached in order to clean. I would estimate that well over half of all windows and doors in Cornwall are made of UPVC.

Despite the fact that almost every house in Cornwall is built on a thick bed of natural granite which has not moved for millions of years, the foundations of these pebble-dash houses shift around so badly that huge cracks appear in the breeze-block walls within a matter of about 20 years. Even if it were physically possible without using dynamite, underpinning them would serve no purpose, so everyone fills the ever-widening cracks every Spring, repairs the pebble-dash, then gives the house another coat of whitewash - if they can be bothered. The ones where nobody has bothered tend to merge into the landscape again, and cannot be seen from about a mile away.

I still miss that old house though - mainly because our friends actually lent it to us every year, and I have never become accustomed to luxe - but I don't think they can afford to do that any more. At least the view is still the same from the back windows, though.

(A worthless prize goes to anyone who can tell me where the title of this post comes from.)




32 comments:

  1. Thanks for an architectural desperate sigh of recognition regarding Cornish housing stock. Whoever invented the UPVC, or even worse, aluminium replacement window, should be imprisoned for life in a cell made from the things. Most of the country's windows have been decimated by them....I can feel the anger rising so I'd better stop for the sake of my stress levels! It's not much better in Devon but there's more money here, so restoration has often overridden 'improvement'.

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    1. I'm sorry to be pedantic, but I really want to see your stress levels rise. If most of the country's windows had been decimated by UPVC, then that would only be one in ten. Enjoy the rest of your evening!

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    2. Maybe that's what you meant? Be honest.

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  2. PS - The A Q...by L D. Had to look it up I'm ashamed to say as I couldn't grasp it in the washing up bowl of my aging brain.

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    1. Well done, Em. Your prize will be revealed very shortly. If I forget to reveal it, feel free to remind me about it.

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  3. As far as modern eco-housing goes, it doesn't look too bad. I've seen some horrors. Pebble dash over blocks? I'd rather see the blocks.

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    1. I pebble-dash the inside of my toilet bowl quite regularly ( oh, please...).

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  4. The older house did look very charming but, then again, I would not want to be the owner of a sponge house, either. The new house looks very expensive. I have to admit that it does look nice, although I'm weeping a little bit for the loss of the old house.

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    1. It's very strange to see the old photos and know it doesn't exist any longer. I too miss it, but I have always hated central heating.

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  5. O dear and there we were thinking of moving to Cornwall this year;) but I'm sure there are a few houses untouched. Thank you for a timely warning, our friend also said something about a 'crumbling disease' could it have been those breeze blocks disintergrating I wonder?

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    1. That would be it, Thelma. There are quite a few solid, granite houses to be had, and you can always pull out the UPVC and replace it with proper windows. Don't give up. Go for an 18th century barn conversion, if you have the resources.

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  6. I've spent most of my life living in draughty, uncomfortable accommodation, (well it's not that bad really) but I still think it's a shame that they've wrecked the original house and replaced it with that 'thing', super efficient as it's supposed to be.

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  7. How come Em only gave initials for the answer …… The Alexandria Quartet by Lawrence Durrell. Is there some secret society rules that say that you can't mention it in full ? …. a bit like the Scottish Play ?
    …… and, UPVC is the work of the Devil along with CLADDING !!!! XXXX

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    1. I think that Em was graciously allowing others to have a guess too, but also providing a big clue. Never the less, she still gets the first prize, and there is no runner-up.

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    2. ……. you never give out the prizes that you promise ….. I'd like to know who won your poetry prize !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    3. What poetry prize? What poetry?

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    4. Just looked it up, and can find no declared winners, or specified prizes. I told you this prize was worthless anyway.

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  8. Did lizzie Bennett say the quote ( with a lisp)

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    1. I forget the name of the spiv who said that, but I will give someone another prize for telling me his name - see below...

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    2. I'm beginning to think that you believe you have missed out on a prize now, Jack@. Let me know, and I'll give you one...

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    3. I refer the honourable gentleman to the Tom Stephenson post of Sunday 24th November 2013.

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    4. Just looked it up, and can find no declared winners, or specified prizes. I told you this prize was worthless anyway.

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  9. CORRECTION: By 'breeze blocks' I really mean 'cinder blocks', which are, in effect, the external version of breeze, but - being burnt coal furnace slag - are much more likely to deteriorate through acidic oxides.

    The title quote was preceded in Durrell's book by a description of the little man - dressed in a suit and patent leather shoes - picking his way along a stony beach in Egypt toward Darley, as if he were used to nothing less than 'the finest pavements'.

    I didn't resort to Google for that quote, so it might not be truly accurate. I last (and first) read it in 1974.

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  10. I'm sure it is a lovely house inside but it actually really does lack charm. I am always sorry when I see something modest but sweet demolished to make room for some kind of consumerist dream. Although perhaps being very eco is really the opposite of consumerist. It's too late at night for me to think that one through. ....

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    1. What's the point of thinking this one through? I know what I think about the green machine, and it doesn't bear thinking about.

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  11. Mnemjian. That's it - no more prizes. You can thank Jack@ for that@.

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    1. I refer the honourable gentleman to the Tom Stephenson post of Sunday 24th November 2013.

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    2. Just looked it up, and can find no declared winners, or specified prizes. I told you this prize was worthless anyway.

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  12. Ok, I will give another worthless prize to anyone who can guess what has scared John Gray shitless over there in Darkest Wales (to the extent he has left the lights on) before he posts about it later on today.

    Now I am going to fucking bed.

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    1. A poxy music box belonging to Chris. If anyone could have guessed that correctly, then they would have deserved a prize. I was expecting one of his dead dogs to be scratching at the door, but then again, I ought to have known better.

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