Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Wednesday, 29 January 2014
Losing your identity
For one reason or another, I am having quite a lot of anxiety dreams at the moment. Last night, someone stole my identity.
I was in a pub or restaurant - some public place - and I went to pay for something, only to find I had somehow picked up someone else's wallet. Inside were two cards (about five less than in mine) and both of them not only didn't have any numbers on them, but they had no names either, so I didn't even know who they really belonged to.
As I tried to explain my predicament to the person I was supposed to be paying, it dawned on me that the wallet had probably deliberately been substituted for mine by the thief who was using my cards at my expense somewhere else at that moment.
I went to call H.I. on the mobile phone I found in a different pocket, but the phone was a fake, toy one.
I searched for some other means of payment in my jacket, and suddenly realised that I was wearing someone else's suit as well. I thought it unlikely that the thief would have been able to dress me in an ill-fitting, cheap suit without me noticing, so there was only one possible explanation.
I had lost my own identity. I no longer existed as 'Tom Stephenson', if I ever had.
I took the jacket off to expose the real me beneath it, but then I was cold so I tried to put it back on again. This was a big mistake.
I could not find the right arm to put through the right sleeve, and eventually managed to turn the whole thing inside-out without ever getting it on. From the inside of the unlined suit, I could tell it was of extremely bad quality and made as if for a theatre production.
The management called the police as the whole restaurant looked on in horror. They had never seen a non-person before it seemed, and it was an upsetting sight.
There is only one thing to do in situations like this, and that is to wake up and try to find yourself again. It could take all day.