Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Intelligent advertising


Brace yourself for a rant.

Remember that extremely expensive Moritz Waldemeyer 'candle flame' light I bought weeks ago? well I'm still waiting for it.

According to the uber-efficient DHL tracking system for which I have my exclusive code for access, it has been sitting in a depot at Swindon, Berkshire for some days now, 'waiting instructions from the sender'. The trouble is that when I call up DHL, they say they do not have it. When I try to email Ambiente fucking Direct, they do not reply.

This simple purchase from Germany was made using the internet, and has involved several different companies, including Paypal - because the useless company 'Ambiente Direct' insisted on it. At least it means that I might get my £277 back at some point even if it is a few years after the sale.

The electronic paper trail is efficient enough to have logged my preferences for marketing purposes - 'Ambiente Direct' has appeared at the top of every eBay home page that I have opened since the sale - but as far as delivering the goods that I have actually bought goes, it stinks.

Since we stayed at the Ruskin Hotel in Bloomsbury about a week ago, the Ambiente Direct advert has been replaced by an advert for the Ruskin Hotel. How fucking stupid can you get? Why would I need re-introducing to a hotel which I have only just stayed in? Do they think I have Altzeimer's disease?

This 'intelligent' advertising must be losing them an immense amount of business.

The door bell has just rung. Yesterday, I ordered about £100 worth of diamond-studded tools for my latest marble job, and they have just arrived. This company does not use 'intelligent advertising', it simply supplies the goods that you have asked for from it's depot the other side of London - in about 24 hours. I now have them in my hand. No fuss, no bother.

25 comments:

  1. 'Prepare for a rant' normally sends bells ringing all over my head.
    But someone who doesn't send you something on eBay quick enough?
    Come ON Tom!
    What happened to the revolution?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It wasn't eBay, it was a purchase from an eBay advertiser who insists on Paypal. They sent me an email saying they had fucked up, and I would have to wait another three weeks, and now this.

      Fuck the revolution.

      Delete
  2. Am certain that Swindon is in Wiltshire

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now you mention it, so am I. Thanks for the correction.

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  3. Henceforth I shall always order by phone and never over the internet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That only works 50 percent of the time as well.

      Delete
  4. there is a Swindon in Glos as well. I think it is a village on the out skirts of Cheltenham. You need to cache your cookies. or something like that. I think it has something to do with your viewing history on your pc also. I maybe wrong...

    that drives me bonkers. I bought something for my nephew years ago. and in my recommendations on amazon I have loads of childrens stuff. I click not interested but they still come up. You bought this so we will show this other crap.

    I cant wait to see what a tescos face scanner does to me in tescos. I am wondering if it will show me adverts for chocolate, pies or sweets or say sod it heres a picture of slim fast for you... also what happens if you are a man with long hair? Head and shoulders for men?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, you are right about the little village of Swindon too. And you are right about viewing - as well as purchase - history.

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  5. A short time ago I was struggling drive out of a hospital driveway into the main road when a DHL van stopped right across my path and I had to wait an age for a gap. The van which had seen better days was in DHL colours with logo painted large on the side but it was being driven by a Polish builder and his mate. Sorry if I almost raised your hopes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was probably my driver - moonlighting.

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  6. Ambiente Direct.........hmm.......bad name, bad company. Sorry about the candle though.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I believe it's Alzheimer's. But I can't remember. Half the time I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

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  8. Replies
    1. I'm not that bad, Katherine. No need to get personal.

      Delete
  9. I could not resist getting on their website. I guess I'm dying to get their online advertisements.

    Under FAQ they have this: Why should I buy at AmbienteDirect.com? Answer: "… We purchase and ship with the best conditions worldwide."

    There we have it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ever since I BOUGHT my pool 'robot' via the net, every bloody page I now look at is covered with ad's for them. Haven't they got something wrong here? Shouldn't they have read my mind, and shoved the ad's at me BEFORE I decided which one to buy!

    There's still pleasure to be had in entering a shop, viewing a product, buying, then walking out with it in a bag.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I could have walked into a shop to buy this light, believe me, I would have. I am waiting for a ring on the doorbell right now.

      Delete
  11. The hotel you were in wants to remind you of your good time there - rekindle the fire, but is a bit over-eager concerning the date.

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    Replies
    1. Actually, the place has gone downhill so badly, that I don't think I will stay there again. Not so much 'shabby-chic' as just 'shabby'.

      Delete