Tuesday, 19 November 2013

I heart

For most of yesterday and most of my time awake in bed last night, my heart missed about one beat out of every fifteen. I know this because I was feeling my own pulse with my thumb for amplification - something you would not do if feeling someone else's - every time I felt the flutter beneath my ribs.

I finally got to sleep around 4.00 am, and when I awoke, the palpitations - if that is what you call this irregularity - had stopped. So far they haven't returned.

Of course, lying in bed contemplating the demise of your mother who died - aged 71 - following the third massive heart-attack, doesn't help the regularity of your heart-beat, and I daresay that the combination of four different types of toxic and volatile solvents (acetone, cellulose thinners, white spirit and styrene) that I inhaled yesterday whilst re-polishing the bell sign didn't either, even though I was outdoors when I used them. Smoking and drinking - I have been told - doesn't help either, and I quite often don't manage to hit the five a day that we are encouraged to eat.

At least stress does not play a large part in my working life.

As I lay there last night waiting for the thing to stop altogether, I realised that the main cause of my slight panic was for H.I. and the effect my suddenly leaving would have on her. I tried to imagine how she would cope without me, but couldn't get very far with it. Maybe that sounds egocentric, but it really isn't. I have often morbidly thought that I would like to go before her, because I'm not sure how I would cope without her, but that really is selfish.

Anyway, today is a bright new morning, and I am getting the glamourous assistant in to carry on re-polishing the bell, as he's about 20 years younger than me. I think I just poisoned myself yesterday.

23 comments:

  1. Your temporary problem sounds more like arrhythmia Tom, palpitations are very rapid heart beats.

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    1. Thanks for that, I will look it up. Last night, I did actually miss quite a few beats altogether, though.

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  2. Dear Tom,
    glad to hear that you are feeling well again! 4 o'clock in the morning is a very bad time to think about anything - let alone death (I always hope I'll go first - but Hans, being a lot older, tells me: no chance - women live longer). We'll see. But I get almost a heart attack with your comment function: I write a first long comment - then it says: "Sorry, Google denied access to this blog". It does not say: ooops - no connection - it says 'denied'. What have I to think of that??? Second time my comment of course is short - or skipped - only if I feel compassion for your heart, I try a long other comment.

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    1. Well. whatever is the problem, it is not of my making. Just keep on keeping on, is my advice.

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  3. I spy with my little eye, someone beginning with M.

    Too easy, it was Morpheus!

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  4. Have a fag and a glass of wine and don't worry about it !!!! ….. then pop into the Doctors just to put your mind at rest. You can feel an ectopic heartbeat as a missed beat which are most often harmless. John might be able to help you out on this one. XXXX

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    1. Thanks, Jack@ - I feel better already.

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  5. Palpitations are common and generally harmless
    My advice.... Get someone to take your pulse occasionally and when you are relaxed...don't do it yourself
    If it seems irregular then mention to the doc

    That will be ten pounds please x

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    1. The two Scotch Eggs cost me more than that, and I bet I will be sued for the heartbeat they disrupt for you.

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  6. That is very scary. My husband and I have a deal that we will die together at the age of 85 (or later). He hope that he sticks with it. (If not, I'm gonna kill him!)

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    1. Sounds like a nuclear launch failsafe program to me - both parties have a gun, it's just who uses it it first.

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  7. I agree with John - doctors usually tell you not to worry about this sort of thing Tom. The trouble is that as we approach old age it is easy to get thinking along the lines of 'what if' - the farmer and I have agreed to avoid it after each of us has had a serious health scare. Let us make the most of what we have left. I have been through it all once twenty five years ago, when I had had similar thoughts - and I coped and was eventually proud of myself for coping - so get on with life and don't think about the alternative would be my advice for what it is worth.

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    1. That is, in fact, worth a lot to me, Weave. Thank you.

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  8. not to be too melodramatic but if Posh Boy goes before me, I feel I would be so lost, I would be like my great aunt and die the week after. A bit mushy and a bit pathetic mixed in with weird and wonderful. But that is how I think it will be.

    I pass out regularly. if that is any help. Something stresses me out, my blood pressure drops and I fall to the floor and play dead. like the possums in the film Ice age 2. lol it is amusing to some apparently...

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    1. Apparently, possums and a few other critters do actually pass out when stroked.

      I wish some of my old girlfriends were like that.

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  9. I'd say let your GP know about it and see if it occurs again and try to determine what factors are the same. It's always those dark moments in the night where things can seem at their worst.

    I've a feeling if i go before Himself, he shall act a lot like his father and be generally miserable and ticking off the days until it's time to go. I'd like to think he'd rally, especially if i were to die soon, but i'm not so sure. I watched my FIL do nothing to promote his well-being after my MIL died. He was truly heartbroken.

    As for me, i think i'd mourn very much, but get on with things, as i generally do.

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    1. Sorry to have introduced these thoughts in you, Megan, but I know what you mean about the Hour of the Wolf.

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  10. Ooooo…. you haven't posted anything today …. Are you OK ? I'm worried now after your bit of trouble yesterday. XXXX

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    1. GGRRRR... ARRRGGHHHHHHH.... SPLEURRRRR....

      No, I'm fine thanks Jack@ - I really do think I poisoned myself.

      Too busy to post! Hark at me!

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  11. The very mention of palpitations makes me start breathing funny. Time to crack open the Guatemalan Worry Dolls....

    Hope you're feeling better now.

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    1. I am, thank you Em. Panic - for the time being - over.

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    2. P.S. - Get a Volvo, but don't be tempted with an old 4WD one. There's a gizmo in those and they break. They cost over £1000 to replace. 2WD is fine for most, even on the moor.

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