Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Monday, 2 September 2013
A girl's best friend
I now have something to work for - this is the last job I will complete before a short break in Seville, Spain. Can you guess what is is yet? (Anyone who knows where this catch-phrase comes from, will wonder if the 'indecent images' where made using a felt-tipped pen).
All I will say is that it is about £300 worth of Italian Statuary marble and I can just about pick it up and heave it in and out of the workshop while I am working on it.
I don't know what Michelangelo did without diamonds - actually I do. He employed a small army of fit young men and a team of thrifty boys who sharpened and resharpened ordinary iron chisels.
This object is called a 'Vanity' blade. It's not called that because - if you squint hard enough - you can see your own face in it. I think that it is so named because they were generally used for cutting holes out of slabs of marble to make vanity tables with sinks set in them, so that the crowned heads of Europe could carry out their toilet in the style to which they had become accustomed. If you now have an image of a king leaving his palace with a ceramic toilet bowl under his arm, then don't blame me. 'The Toilet of Venus' would be a good name for one, along with 'The Crapper' and 'The Krakatoa'.
You should have seen The Bride's face light up when I told her I had just bought several thousand diamonds - her favourite jewel (being somewhat obvious in her taste in rings and brooches. Not for her, the Muffin the Mule Girl Guide badge).
Within a couple of seconds, her face dropped and she said, "Oh. Some sort of stone-tool I suppose". Snigger snigger!