Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Plans, schemes and tactics

I started this Bank Holiday weekend in a somewhat celebratory mood, but God must have been a bit bored and kept poking a stick through the bars of my cage to see if he could get a reaction.

Would I sell a load of unwanted clothes on my eBay account for one girl who had no further need for them? No, sorry, but I would set up an eBay account of her own for her, so that she could do all the question-answering, listing, packing and posting, rather than sit back and wait for me to give her money.

"I'm not a retard, you know. I am quite capable of setting up my own eBay account - I just need you to show me how to do it, then I will be fine."

"That's exactly what I was going to do."

"When do you want to come round?"

"I don't. I want you to come round here."

"But I haven't sorted the clothes out yet - shall I come round late this afternoon?"

"Why don't you come round earlier with one article of clothing so that I can photograph it in good light before we set up your eBay account?"

"I CAN take my own photos you know. I'm not a retard."

"Ok, come round with one of your own photos late this afternoon, and we'll set it up."

"No, let's leave it for another time."

Then, a short while later:

"I've got another suggestion - I have about £300 worth of text-books which I will never use again. Should I sell them on eBay?"

"Good idea."

"Shall I bring them round?"

"No. Bring one round and I will show you how to set up an eBay account, then how to post up photos or scans of the covers."

"I'm not a retard, you know."

"Anyway, I don't think that eBay is the best place to sell books."

"How about Amazon?"

"Maybe, but I hate Amazon - I would rather use Alibris."

"What's Alibris?" etc. etc.

It turns out that Alibris like Amazon -  is a U.S. company which only uses credit-cards for buying and selling, and then it is in US dollars, even if it is based in the U.K. - this after about 10 text messages. Half way through me texting her again, and half way through charging my phone up, she calls me on it. Half way through that call, two things happen - an alarm that I set on it 2 weeks ago to tell me that the corned-beef I am curing in the cupboard is due to be cooked tonight, and I get cut-off from/by the girl.

Somehow, the phone goes dead just as I start to sound just a little bit impatient with the constant change of plans, so I send a text asking if she had slammed the phone down on me.

"Hell - How old do you think I am?!" (Actually, it was 'Heil', but I hope that was a spelling mistake) was the response, and I stop myself from replying with the number '12'.

Then late-ish last night, the land-line rings and the boy says he is stuck in Notting Hill Carnival without a mobile phone. Would I contact girlfriend and get two numbers from her, both of which should be sent to the number of the phone from which he is now speaking. 'I'll try', I respond.

Girlfriend does not answer phone, so I send her a text with all those numbers, including the boy's, just in case he wants to block his own phone, it having possibly fallen into the hands of someone who will clock up a £1000 bill for him by tuesday.

15 minutes later, we receive another call from him, but this time on a different phone. He wants those numbers sent to him again, because he has lost them already.  I ask him if he would like his girlfriend's number so he can speak to her direct. 'Good idea'. It was too, wasn't it?

He lost her number as well, and I receive a text from her asking me to give it to him so she can speak to her direct, at the same time as getting another message from him saying that it was very urgent that she gets the last number as soon as possible, because the owner of the phone he is using is about to go away. He repeats the number very slowly, and I write it down next to all the other numbers. He asks me to repeat the number I have just written down, at the same time as he triple-checks that it is correct with the owner of the phone who is standing right next to him, in the heart of the noisy Carnival. I do this.

Then I carefully text girlfriend the wrong number.

15 minutes later, girlfriend sends me the text, "That was HIS number, but I sent the other numbers to it anyway!"

Suddenly I became very tired and went, almost immediately, to bed - with my phone switched off.

I am having a break today by going to work.


  1. I was taught a wonderful English word when I was very young. I was taught how to use it, how to spell it, and when to use it. That word was NO.

    1. Now I am laughing at your unworldliness, Cro. You wait until your grand children hit the low-teens, Grumpy!

  2. Well, Grandpa, aren't you a sweetie pie! Best wishes for a peaceful day...

  3. Sounds very familiar. I had just taken 3 bags of clothes to the Salvation Army. They were deposited at my house so that Girl Child could list them on Ebay.....never happened so I dumped them. She will likely NEVER ask. I also found a large bag of size 8 shoes here, most likely from an old roommate of hers and I am sure Girl Child wad going to sell on Ebay for her. I sold half of them in my garage sale this past weekend.

    By the way Facebook is a great place to sell text books. Each College or Uni program usually has a Facebook Group you can list them on. That way you are hitting your exact target market.

    1. I buy most of my clothes from places like that. I'll tell her about Facebook - she's keen on that.

  4. And I thought these cold calls I keep getting were annoying.

    1. Not as annoying as an old Druid, who - giving him a break - is not as annoying as a Jehovah's Witness.

  5. Replies
    1. AIBHINN : IRISH. Goddess and faery queen of West Munster.

      AILECH : IRISH. The incarcerated goddess of Grianann Ailech ( Ailighe)

      ÁINE : IRISH. Sun goddess, daughter of Mananann mac Lir (the sea god) otherwise regarded as daughter of Eogabal and sister of Grian.

      ÁINE CLI / AINE CLIACH : IRISH. Aine the Bright.

      ÁINE of Cnoc Aine : IRISH. Goddess, love and fertility, patroness of the crops and cattle.
      Faerie queen of Knockgrainey, Co. Limerick. Connected with Summer Solstice
      Note: There is an erroneous belief that Áine is a moon goddess that however is not true, for within the pantheon of Irish Mythology there are no moon goddesses. In old Irish the moon was originally neuter then it became male and only in modern Irish - female.

      ÁIRMED : A goddess of the Tautha de Danann, healer and herb lore.

      ALMU / ALMHA : Goddess of Cnoc Ailinne (Hill of Allen) Co. Kildare.

      AN : Known as 'AN The Traveller' A sun goddess & another form of Aine.

      ANA / ANU : The great Mother of the Irish Gods, synonymous with Aine.

      AOIBHEAL : Her name means 'sparkling' or 'bright' A Munster Goddess associated with a rock called Craig Liath near Killaoe in Co. Clare. Known also as the Goddess to the O'Brien Clan who prophesied the outcome of the Battle of Clontarf. To some she is the a goddess of sovereignty and a sister of Cliona.

      BADB / BADHBH / BADB ACTHA : A Mother goddess of Ireland, a War goddess; a Dark Goddess, who gave her name to the river Barrow. One of three collectively know as The Morrigan forming a triad with Nemhain and Morrigu. She appeared as a scald crow.

      BANBA / BANBHA : An Earth goddess with a warrior aspect and a Queen of the Tautha de Danann She is part of a triad with Eriu and Fodla.

      BEBHIONN : An Underworld goddess, giantess and a patroness of pleasure.

      BE CHUILLE : A goddess of Druids and Witches.

      BE FIND : Sister of Boand\

      BÉ NÉIT: War Goddess of Ulster.

      BERBA : Goddess of the river Barrow (Co. Laoise), known as Berba of the silent flowing.

      BOAND / BOANNAN/ BOINN : A water goddess who gave her name to the river Boyne, Mother of the herds a Cow goddess. A wife of The Dagda, Elcmar and Nechtain. Mother of Oengus mac Og. Her symbol is the Silver Salmon.

      BRIGIT/BRIGID/ BRIGHID : The name means exalted one; Forms of her name are found all over Europe. There is evidence to suggest that it was a 'female fire cult and to have been imported to Ireland from Europe.
      A Sun and Sacred Fire goddess of fertility, smithcraft, healing, poetry, inspiration,\
      A daughter of the Dagda. A priestess of her's with the same name converted to Christianity & was canonised as St Bridget.

      BRONACH : A goddess of sea cliffs - one of her other titles is Cailleach Cinn Boirne meaning The Hag of Black Head (or Hag's Head) a rocky sea-cliff of Co. Clare.\

      CAILLEACH BHEARA /The CAILLEACH : An ancient goddess of the pre-celtic peoples, she controlled the seasons and the weather. The great goddess of Earth, Moon and Sky. In her Dark aspect she destroyed the crops and caused disease and plagues. Also known as the Veiled One, The Hag and The Crone.A goddess who controlled the weather, also known as the White Lady. It is said 'That when a young man was kind to her she changed from a Hag to a beautiful young woman and bestowed favours on him' The wife of the Manannan the sea god. She is connected with the Beara Peninsula, Co. Cork.

      (They wouldn't let me publish any more than this.)

    2. How wonderful of You, many thanks I am thrilled by your generosity Tom.

  6. All of them
    I am hedging my bets

    1. They would only let me list the above - there's another 308 to go, but comments are limited to about 4800 words by Blogger... yawn...

  7. I love to read the conversation with Green Eyes - she tries to put into practice the principles of delegating work - you refuse - then she'll do it herself when things will become really urgent for her and nobody else will do them (but maybe she'll ask her boyfriend instead - tactic no.7: fluttering her eyelashes).

    1. She is - in fact - a really hard worker. She works much harder than I do, and for less money (not that I earn a lot of money, you understand). I don't want to give the impression that she tries to get everyone to do things for her. She worked a 12 hour day yesterday.