Remember how I lied to you about the date of the Glastonbury Festival? Well that was only one of two lies. I also said I was not going there, but in fact I will be going this week.
I will be doing almost exactly what I did about 40 years ago though, because I am taking Green Eyes and a couple of her mates to the gates, then turning around and coming back again.
She gave me a rare telephone call a day ago, and began it by asking, "How much do you love me?"
Smelling a rat, I replied, "Probably not as much as you would like me to."
"On a scale of one to ten?"
"Three."
"What can I do to make you love me more?"
"Well..."
"You're so gross."
"Come on. What do you want?"
"I suppose we could go by train and bus, but everyone else is going on Thursday, so the traffic will be very light..."
She once tried to explain to someone how much we meant to each other and to what lengths I would go to in order to retain my status as Honorary Grandfather.
"You know," she said, pulling an example out of her head, "He would even rescue me from Glastonbury!"
I might even end up doing that as well.
When my children had days-off, I often used to ask them questions like 'How would you like to help save the world'? (this meant shopping). They used to smell a rat too!
ReplyDeleteI had a friend who would threaten her children with, "If you are not good, you will NOT be going to the dentist tomorrow!" It worked.
DeleteSounds like something Vladimir Nabokov would have written
ReplyDeleteAt least Humbert Humbert got to ... no, never mind.
DeleteI say aged H.G. why don't you dig out that old Kaftan coat and show them how it was done in your youth ?
ReplyDeleteBecause they know better than me now.
DeleteYou're just a big old softie .... XXXX
ReplyDeleteMy eyes are green ..... just saying.
DeleteThat's because they are probably rotting, like mine. Not so much of the 'softie', either...
DeleteYay. What a grandfather! Wicked! How I would have loved you to drive me to Glastonbury.
ReplyDelete(oh fuck off, John. Humbert may have been creepy but 'literature' had his back. Tom has no such recall) :~)
recourse ... reason ... damn
DeleteHolds small handbag under chin
Delete" ooohhhhhh errrrrrr"
Are those dogs sitting on your face?
DeleteOOOhhh err!
Ok you win!
DeleteAh, don't give up John, I was just beginning to enjoy this exchange.
DeleteI was beaten down by the dog comment x
DeleteNo, please carry on.
DeleteI know when I am beaten
DeleteAwwwwwwwww.............................
ReplyDeleteShe's too lazy to grow her own drugs, Joanne - not like your brood.
DeleteDear Tom,
ReplyDeleteI think it is kind to drive her to the festival! And you know what I would do? Stay (not with them, on your own - you might love it! (New experiences keep you young)
Hmm. Maybe. Experiences with me may make them old.
DeleteYou are obviously an easy touch, particularly if eyes are green. Mine are brown - will you lend us a fiver?
ReplyDeleteI would lend you one, but that's my old Jewish nature coming through.
DeleteUPDATE - She ( deliberately or not) forgot to tell me that the gates of the festival open at 8.00 am, the very day we are supposed to go.
ReplyDeleteThis would mean a bottle-neck of about 200,000 people trying to squeeze into a village built for 500.
I have told her that we go tomorrow, or she goes on her own. I have yet to get a response about this.
The little vixen (grrr...)
She's a cleaver one, I'd keep an eye on that one. Me thinks she has you wrapped around her little finger.
DeleteI have now re-written the schedule - we go tomorrow. Deal or no deal.
DeleteCould there be some sort of compromise? you drive her as far as you can, and when the queue to Glastonbury starts, she and her pals walk the rest of the way?
ReplyDeleteThen again, if they arrive early, they can secure a good spot.
btw, my eyes are hazel.
Nope. I drive as far as the 35 mile queue starts, then she gets out and walks. Glastonbury is about 35 miles from Bath. Anyway, she is working there, so her spot is already secured.
Deletep.s. - show us your eyes.
Delete