Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Thursday, 20 June 2013
It could have been me
I love this picture of Princess Eugenie photo-bombing her grandmother at Ascot this week. So like her mother. Right - down to business, and it's business which some people outside of the UK may find a little confusing.
There have been a few milestones in 'The Archers' over the years - the gay kiss under the poly-tunnel (no innuendo intended... yeah, right) between Ian and Adam; the audible sex in the shower between Joleen and her ghastly Brummie husband (whose name I have forgotten and I wish I could also forget the scene) which provided the Foley artist with such a lot of interesting work involving cucumbers and plaster of Paris; lesbian affairs, etc. etc.
Last night, Jazzer let off a loud and fruity fart straight into the microphone, then actually said, "Better out than in", just in case you missed it.
This is radio on the edge, pushing the boundaries and giving a no-holds-barred, gritty portrayal of what the life of ordinary country folk is really like.
With one brief blast of flatulence, Jazzer has transformed himself from the standard, token Scotsman - one of which every soap is contractually obliged to have in the cast - into a real, living and breathing, deep-fried Mars Bar-eating Jock that we know from long experience makes up at least 90% of the residents up there.
But Jazzer is a more complex character than his Highland-Games organising, beer-swilling stereotype would suggest. Every Christmas for the last few years, he has been persuaded to stand up and sing a classic Scottish folk song, and he sings it so sweetly that one wonders how on earth he learnt to perform so well that he ended up as a milkman and sheep-shearer rather than a professional singer on the folk ballad circuit, if such a thing exists.
The actor who plays Jazzer is totally blind, so I assume his sense of smell is fairly acute as well. I wonder if he does his own stunts?
I once entered a competition for charity in which the winner would briefly appear in one episode of The Archers, but sadly didn't win. I would give almost anything to record just one little fart which would be heard by millions on the nation's best-loved and most long-running radio show. Sigh...