Now look what you made me do

I was sitting in the kitchen this morning, drinking my second cup of coffee, when - for reasons unknown - I shoved my own thumb painfully into my left eye.

When H.I. asked what I had done and how I had come to do it, I suggested that she had somehow telepathically got into my head and forced me to punish myself for something I had done to her in the recent past.

She liked that idea, and began staring at me every now and then with a malevolent look in her eyes, whilst doing the washing-up.

A little later, I farted, then I blamed it on her - "You made me do that," I said.

I remember when it was quite common for certain people - sometimes dads - to say, "Now look what you made me do!" whenever they made some sort of mistake or cock-up.

They never gave anyone else credit for their triumphs, though.