Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Friday, 8 March 2013
Full and beautifully pear-shaped
Above and below are Georgian pen and ink sketches of two young women, recently acquired by me for not a huge amount of money, though I dare say that I will lose more money on them than I hope to.
Either the person who made them was an amateur, or they had some rather interesting-looking friends in their coterie. The lower one reminds me of contemporary portraits of Casanova and the one above suggests one of his many conquests - and some of mine, on dark and stormy nights. She looks like a good laugh, though - which is half the battle - and I bet her arse was full and beautifully pear-shaped.
Actually, now I look a little closer, the one above would look just like the Green-Eyed girl impersonating a lamprey if you put a hoodie over her face and pulled the draw-strings so tightly that it puckered her mouth into her chin.
I was in conversation with Green-Eyes and her boyfriend last night, when she suddenly said (to me, about her boyfriend), "M*** has only got one ball. Did he tell you that?"
M*** looked at her askance for a second or two, then said, "No I haven't, I've got two!" He flashed me a worried glance to see if I believed him.
I knew what Green-Eyes was up to, and I went along with it, knowing that - like most males - he did indeed have the requisite two.
"Don't worry," I said with a reassuring tone to my voice, "I've got three, and they haven't done me any particular good."
Me and my grand-daughter have an understanding which surpasseth all understanding.