Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Wednesday, 20 February 2013
Non-Druidic party games
The rip-roaring success of yesterday's post proves yet again - if further proof were necessary - that when it comes to what people are really interested in, you cannot beat unadulterated smut, toilet humour, jokes about body-parts and all of the material that goes into making the stand-up routine of the average 6 year-old comedian.
A sausage is - for some deep (or shallow, if you happen to be a Druid) psychological reason - intrinsically funny on it's own, despite the grim ingredients from which it is made. Hold it up to your trousers, and it immediately takes on another level of sophistication which transcends ordinary, day-to-day humour, don't you agree? The very word, 'sausage', is enough to break the ice at the frostiest of funerals.
On the rare occasions that H.I. and me go shopping together, I will always surreptitiously pick up a particularly phallic-shaped carrot from the vegetable stall, and hold it to my nether regions at a jaunty angle until she notices me, and she always rolls her eyes heavenward in an attitude of 'Oh for God's sake', without the slightest hint of a smile on her face. It's a bit like going shopping with a Druid.
Once, when I was playing this little game for the 300th time, H.I. finally noticed me, and as she rolled her eyes, I heard the helpless screaming of laughter from a fellow woman shopper who had also noticed me do it, and she could hardly stand for laughing as she watched from the other end of the aisle, tears streaming down her face.
My Sugar-Daughter has a friend who she calls 'The Curly Jew' (to her face), and recently, Curly has had to undergo a minor procedure (as they are called these days) on both eyelids, to remove a few persistent cysts. This left her temporarily blind, and S.D. was to visit her that evening to take her mind off things, and generally behave as friends should under trying circumstances.
S.D. was planning how they would spend the evening together, and because TV or DVDs were off the menu, she planned party games for the blind. She asked if I had any suggestions.
I replied that if they were to invite me around, we could play 'Suck the Tail Off the Donkey' and 'Blind Man's Muff', to name but two popular party games which involve blindfolds, so I was not invited.
Before she went off, I suggested that they could play, 'Guess the Root-Vegetable' with each other, and wondered if she had ever played it before, as a couple of friends of mine had done in order to spice up their jaded marriage. The great thing about this game is that you can eat the props when it is over.
When I saw S.D. the next day, she said that they had a wonderful time that night, but as she didn't go past a green-grocer on the way to Curly's parents house, they did not play 'Guess the Root-Vegetable'. The look on her face told me that she had never played this game before, and I had to explain why I was laughing so much.
The short answer is 'no', I don't think I will ever grow up.